Spilling my guts all over the blogosphere....

If I do not pour out my heart right now, I will forget many of the things that I'm thinking about right now. And as the things I am thinking about are all things that point back to the goodness of God, they are things that I really don't want to forget. I hope you don't view this as an all-about-Steve post; that's not the goal. It's just that I need to scream of God's infinite love as demonstrated to a faithless sinner like me, and I have seen that most manifestated in my life over the past few weeks. So, without further ado, here goes.

On tuesday night, at approximately 6:25 in the evening, after I had just finished dinner with my best friend Hugh Jackson and right before I was going to grab some coffee for my night class, ASB President-elect Randy Lundy told me that I had been selected to be his Vice President for the upcoming schoolyear. I was like ummmmm...... OK! I had not expected this at all. But looking back, I can see God's incredibly wise timing. Getting rejected for RA completely humbled me. It humbled me more than I really think I have words to describe. I remember the night I found out I didn't get it; I was completely crushed. I had set my hopes and built up such pride in the fact that I knew I was going to be an RA-- I knew it. And then I didn't get it. To make it worse, almost all my friends did. Now that was the really tough part. I remember sitting at lunch on sunday with three of the best friends I could ever ask for, and they had all been selected to be RAs for next year (shows that I hang out with some pretty cool people, huh?) and one of them, in a burst of excitement, totally exclaimed, "guys, we're going to be RAs next year! Isn't this exciting!" I just wanted to get up from the table, crawl into a corner and bash my head in. I had no idea what God was doing. I didn't see why I didn't get it or what His plan was. This pretty much continued for almost two weeks. I was completely confused about what I should do for SLS (I was offered another position that sounded like a lot of work but absolutely no compensation), a job (it looked like I would have to work 15 hours a week), Washington D.C. (except that I really had no strong desire to go save for the fact that my best friend was going), and course load (because if I went to D.C. next spring I'd have to take 18 units this coming fall on top of working at least 15 hours a week). The things didn't seem to add up, nothing was making sense. I didn't know how I was going to be able to do all of it on top of my involvement in the church and maintaining my relationships with friends and family. Something was going to have to give, and I was afraid it would be SLS. But as I worried about next year, I finally came to the point when I said, "God, You are sovereign. Not only are You sovereign, but You are good, and You love me. You know what next year will look like, even though I have absolutely no idea what to do. I trust You fully, and I will still trust You, even if You decide to keep things as crazy as they are right now."

And then Vice President happened. In one action, my worries about SLS, job, money, and D.C. all were resolved. I know what to do. I am honored... but I am also humbled. Being rejected for RA and being painfully reminded of that fact by the fact that my friends all got it definitely made me see how really little I bring to the table that is the body of Christ. To be completely honest, I'm nothing. My good friend Micah Lugg reminded me of a quote that my Jr. High pastor Sean Higgins (who's now a pastor up at Micah's church in Washington) used to always say to us; "you think you're hot snot on a gold platter when you're really a cold booger on a paper plate." And despite the grossness of this fact, this is totally true. I got nothing. I am the weak, the foolish, the lowly. My weaknesses only serve to point to Christ's strengths. I honestly think that if I had gotten RA, it would have gone straight to my head. I'll be completely candid; I'm waging a fierce battle in my mind to not let VP go to my head. I am constantly reminding myself that I am nothing without Christ. If I'm going to be a VP that glorifies God, I need to keep this in mind-- that I am weak, but He is strong. Praise be to God, who in His loving mercy bestows on us everything we need and more than we deserve.

I really dislike this time of year. The weather is beautiful and the days are longer, but people just seem more shallow in the spring. They really do. It was like this last year. People's brains are fried, they're just ready to go home. They all know that things are going to change in the fall, and due to all our natural aversion and fear of change, people begin to prematurely shut down and turn off emotions. I think it falls under a general sense of exhaustion and self-preservation. But that's why I love my friends-- they don't succumb to this prevailing sense of superficiality. I hang out with some of the godliest, most Christ-centered people I know. God has amazingly blessed me. Sometimes (actually almost all of the time) I seriously wonder why they hang out with me. They really should have ditched me a long time ago. Yet they don't... they are amazing. I love my friends so much because they point me to Christ and make me want to love Him more.

There's a lot more stuff running around my head right now; things about witnessing, and Church History, and Limited Atonement, and dating, and double-predestination, and double-doubles from In-N-Out, and trying to keep old friendships alive, and what this summer is going to look like, and eschatology, and moving back to C-dub, and my little brother, and a number of other things; but I need to get to bed.

SOLI DEO GLORIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!