A great way to wake us up on a Thursday afternoon...

"Hey! Did I tell you guys I'm gay? That got your attention, huh?"

"It's so much fun, beating the hell out of someone."

--Prof Owen to a very distracted and bored Reformation Era Class

Fourth posting in like 48 hours....

So people are saying that they are soooooo ready to go home. I don't know what that feels like. I went home last night and came back and now I'm probably gonna go home in about 20 minutes because my mom just called and said I forgot some stuff. However, I am ready for classes to be done. I am ready for Hawaiian shirts and blue jeans every day and working 40 hours a week with Pete Bargas and Rob Ikegami. That's gonna rock hard core. I am ready for 95+ degree heat and just resigning myself that I'm going to be covered with a thin layer of sweat for the next 4 or so months. Good ol' SCV, my home sweet home. I am ready for being one of the only Master's students in my Bible study for a while and I am ready for Crossroads to be about only 150-200 people every sunday (and still have TWO donut lines!!! woo-hoo!!!). I am ready for working at King Hall all day, and then coming home and working out for 2 hours and then doing some COC online classes... how sweet is that. I am ready for weekend roadtrips with Ben Blakey (by the way Ben, we're going to be taking weekend roadtrips) and possibly Tommy Myrick. I am ready for skimboarding at the beach and re-teaching myself how to surf. I am ready for the road trip to Palm Springs with Pete and the free hotel room and Ruth's Chris steakhouse (shudder with ecstasy). I am ready for lunch with Tat and Joe every now and then. I am ready for summer.

Today in chapel, Tat asked all the TMC summer missions trips to come forward to be commissioned. Then he asked all people who were going on a church-related missions trip to come forward. Then he asked all people who were going to work at a camp to come forward. Then he asked all people who were going home to unsaved family to come forward. Then he asked all people who were going to work in the secular workplace to come forward. I'm guessing he thought that included everyone.... but it didn't include me. I was kinda ashamed. My family's saved, I'm working at a Christian college all summer, due to a few reasons I am not working at a camp or going on a missions trip. But I knelt anyway, 'cuz I would have been distracting had I not. But as I sat there feeling ashamed that I wasn't bearing the gospel to any specific group of lost people, I remembered what I am doing. I'm planning WOW. And, yeah, my job is a sweet job, but WOW is huge. You have about 250-300 incoming students who have basically no friends, are scared and nervous and homesick and freaked out about college, and I'm helping plan the week of fun that welcomes them all and gets them adjusted. I remember being a freshman myself-- scared and freaked out and worried that no one will want to be my friend-- and I made one of my closest friends in my WOW group. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm going to continue to be taking advantage of situations in which I can share the Gospel outside the bubble, but I think WOW is more of a ministry that I originally gave it credit for. I'm not trying to justify myself in anyone's eyes here, but just thinking out loud. Well, I better get going.

Adios!

The Christian & Politics

So, I think I'm entering a new stage in my thinking. I really don't think it matters if Christians are in politics that much. I'm not saying it's wrong. But the days are getting more wicked, the opposition is mounting. I'm not sure the political arena is where we are most influential. Granted, you can have a modern-day William Wilberforce, and I pray that God would raise up such men. But even Wilberforce could miss the point. The story is told of a time when, after the English Slave trade had been abolished, he was speaking to a church about all he had been a part of in freeing the british slaves... an old woman came up to him after the service and asked him a very poignant question:

"Yes, yes, Mr. Wilberforce, but what about the soul?"

So true. We can get rid of abortion (and I think we should-- God hates murder), but what good is it if these babies grow up and we forget to give them the gospel and they die and go to hell? What have we done? If we are to go into politics, the Gospel must be our vanguard. Otherwise, we're just moral people telling the immoral people what to do.

I believe that Christians should be involved in politics, but in the same way that I believe we should have Christian plumbers, and doctors, and firefighters, and garbagemen.... politics is another job like any other. The mayor puts in a full day, goes home to his family, and gets a paycheck just like the guy who cleans my bathroom. We will never save a soul with a new law. But there is nothing inherently wrong with being a politician. Granted, the job of a politician has more temptations to compromise and cut corners than other jobs, but a man who is of integrity can rely upon the Lord to provide the way of escape (1 Cor. 10:13) when those temptations arise.

So, is poltics for me? Most likely not. Is law for me? Possibly. No idea. What do I really want to do?

I want to see the lost come to know Christ. I want to see Christians GET MORE SERIOUS about God. I want to see a generation rise up that is passionate about the Gospel. I want to encourage my fellow brothers in Christ to be Men of God. I think I might want to go into the ministry. I have no idea.

Spilling my guts all over the blogosphere....

If I do not pour out my heart right now, I will forget many of the things that I'm thinking about right now. And as the things I am thinking about are all things that point back to the goodness of God, they are things that I really don't want to forget. I hope you don't view this as an all-about-Steve post; that's not the goal. It's just that I need to scream of God's infinite love as demonstrated to a faithless sinner like me, and I have seen that most manifestated in my life over the past few weeks. So, without further ado, here goes.

On tuesday night, at approximately 6:25 in the evening, after I had just finished dinner with my best friend Hugh Jackson and right before I was going to grab some coffee for my night class, ASB President-elect Randy Lundy told me that I had been selected to be his Vice President for the upcoming schoolyear. I was like ummmmm...... OK! I had not expected this at all. But looking back, I can see God's incredibly wise timing. Getting rejected for RA completely humbled me. It humbled me more than I really think I have words to describe. I remember the night I found out I didn't get it; I was completely crushed. I had set my hopes and built up such pride in the fact that I knew I was going to be an RA-- I knew it. And then I didn't get it. To make it worse, almost all my friends did. Now that was the really tough part. I remember sitting at lunch on sunday with three of the best friends I could ever ask for, and they had all been selected to be RAs for next year (shows that I hang out with some pretty cool people, huh?) and one of them, in a burst of excitement, totally exclaimed, "guys, we're going to be RAs next year! Isn't this exciting!" I just wanted to get up from the table, crawl into a corner and bash my head in. I had no idea what God was doing. I didn't see why I didn't get it or what His plan was. This pretty much continued for almost two weeks. I was completely confused about what I should do for SLS (I was offered another position that sounded like a lot of work but absolutely no compensation), a job (it looked like I would have to work 15 hours a week), Washington D.C. (except that I really had no strong desire to go save for the fact that my best friend was going), and course load (because if I went to D.C. next spring I'd have to take 18 units this coming fall on top of working at least 15 hours a week). The things didn't seem to add up, nothing was making sense. I didn't know how I was going to be able to do all of it on top of my involvement in the church and maintaining my relationships with friends and family. Something was going to have to give, and I was afraid it would be SLS. But as I worried about next year, I finally came to the point when I said, "God, You are sovereign. Not only are You sovereign, but You are good, and You love me. You know what next year will look like, even though I have absolutely no idea what to do. I trust You fully, and I will still trust You, even if You decide to keep things as crazy as they are right now."

And then Vice President happened. In one action, my worries about SLS, job, money, and D.C. all were resolved. I know what to do. I am honored... but I am also humbled. Being rejected for RA and being painfully reminded of that fact by the fact that my friends all got it definitely made me see how really little I bring to the table that is the body of Christ. To be completely honest, I'm nothing. My good friend Micah Lugg reminded me of a quote that my Jr. High pastor Sean Higgins (who's now a pastor up at Micah's church in Washington) used to always say to us; "you think you're hot snot on a gold platter when you're really a cold booger on a paper plate." And despite the grossness of this fact, this is totally true. I got nothing. I am the weak, the foolish, the lowly. My weaknesses only serve to point to Christ's strengths. I honestly think that if I had gotten RA, it would have gone straight to my head. I'll be completely candid; I'm waging a fierce battle in my mind to not let VP go to my head. I am constantly reminding myself that I am nothing without Christ. If I'm going to be a VP that glorifies God, I need to keep this in mind-- that I am weak, but He is strong. Praise be to God, who in His loving mercy bestows on us everything we need and more than we deserve.

I really dislike this time of year. The weather is beautiful and the days are longer, but people just seem more shallow in the spring. They really do. It was like this last year. People's brains are fried, they're just ready to go home. They all know that things are going to change in the fall, and due to all our natural aversion and fear of change, people begin to prematurely shut down and turn off emotions. I think it falls under a general sense of exhaustion and self-preservation. But that's why I love my friends-- they don't succumb to this prevailing sense of superficiality. I hang out with some of the godliest, most Christ-centered people I know. God has amazingly blessed me. Sometimes (actually almost all of the time) I seriously wonder why they hang out with me. They really should have ditched me a long time ago. Yet they don't... they are amazing. I love my friends so much because they point me to Christ and make me want to love Him more.

There's a lot more stuff running around my head right now; things about witnessing, and Church History, and Limited Atonement, and dating, and double-predestination, and double-doubles from In-N-Out, and trying to keep old friendships alive, and what this summer is going to look like, and eschatology, and moving back to C-dub, and my little brother, and a number of other things; but I need to get to bed.

SOLI DEO GLORIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Hast thou not seen how all thy longings have been granted in what He ordaineth?"

You can almost hear the incredulity in the hymnwriter's question. It's almost like asking someone, "what, are you stupid? Do you not remember all the times God has totally taken care of you?"

I have no time to blog right now.... something about a 20 page paper due in 36 hours and I have 3 pages done.... but it's all been worked out. Every fear resolved for the most part. God totally took care of it all, and I was too stupid to trust Him fully.

He is amazing and I am stupid. But blessed. To Him be all glory and honor and praise.

More later.

The Purpose-Driven Latte...

So I went out to coffee with my good friend Ben Blakey tonight at the Starbucks on Bouquet with the expressed intent of getting homework done... I believe that in the hour we were there, I might have done about 5 minutes worth of homework. Anyway, I've become accustomed to evaluating the little bits of worldly philosophy typed onto the side of my paper coffee cup and matching it up to what I know the Bible says, and then usually smugly smirking at how "wise as a serpent yet harmless as a dove" I am being (amazing at how I can take sinful, self-exalting pride in doing something as mundane as critiquing a quotation). Well, back to my story. Imagine how surprised I was to read on the side of my Venti Caramel Macchiato (which, sad to say, was probably one of the worst Caramel Macchiatos I've ever had) something I actually began to find myself agreeing with!! In shock, I quickly skipped the rest of the quote and moved the little, oft-annoying sleeve thing to see who the author was, only to discover, lo and behold, the infamous name of Rick Warren, purported seeker-friendly preacher and pastor of San Dimas mega-church, Saddleback Church. I'll reprint the entire quote here:

You are not an accident. Your parents may not have planned you, but God did. He wanted you alive and created you for a purpose. Focusing on yourself will never reveal your purpose. You were made by God and for God, and until you understand that, life will never make sense. Only in God do we discover our origin, our identity, our meaning, our purpose, our significance, and our destiny.

Ok, this question is for you if you are a TMC student (like myself) or a G-Comm attendee/member (also like myself): Is there anything wrong with this quote? Anything that flies in the face of Scripture? Anything you wouldn't hear a TMC prof say? I think I've actually heard Behle and Owen and Jensen each say something like this (or to the same effect) in one or more of their occasional didactic digressions. But the difference between Behle/Owen/Jensen and Warren is that I strongly believe that the first group of men are men of God, completely sold out for His glory.... and much of what I've heard of Warren is that he is man-centered and more interested in seeing the size of his congregation grow rather than the spiritual maturity of his congregation grow. I've never met Warren myself and I've only skimmed his work, but many godly men whom I trust claim that he's a bit sketch (to use a Master's term).

So what do we do with the coffee cup (please grant me the fact that we need to do anything at all)? Basically, what I'm asking, do we agree with correct teaching that comes out of the mouths of wayward brothers (don't get all over my case that I just called Warren a wayward brother-- let's face it, he's not always preaching the truth)? Paul seems to shed some light on this issue in Philippians 1:12-18a:

I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel, so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard and to all the rest that my imprisonment is for Christ. And most of the brothers, having become confident in the Lord by my imprisonment, are much more bold to speak the word without fear. Some indeed preach Christ from envy and rivalry, but others from good will. The latter do it out of love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The former proclaim Christ out of rivalry, not sincerely but thinking to afflict me in my imprisonment. What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice.

Hmmmm..... in this case, Warren's quote is biblically accurate. Maybe I shouldn't flip out over the fact that it made the side of a Starbuck's coffee cup. Of course, I'd be more stoked if a quote from, let's say, Edwards, Mahaney, or MacArthur made the cut; but if it's the truth, then it's the truth. And possibly, just maybe, next time, if I get another of the same cup, I might be able to use it to witness to someone... that is, if I'm not too hung up on the fact that Rick Warren is on my Caramel Macchiato.

Astounded at my total lack of anything good

I am increasingly amazed at my incredible propensity to waste time. Unbelievable.

At least I didn't say anything too stupid at breakfast this morning. That was a big fear on my part... that I would just open my mouth and completely remove all doubt of what an idiot I am.

I am so tired, but this hymn just popped into my head:

To God be the glory,
great things He hath done;
so loved He the world
that He gave us His Son,
Who yielded His life
an antonement for sin,
and opened the life-gate
that all may come in!

Praise the Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

When I'm a lazy idiot, He still is faithful. As Doug Bookman would say, Amen and amen.

I think I'm covered in fish vomit...

Wow.

That's pretty much all I can say. Wow. This is not how it's supposed to be.

I guess I pretty much figured that they'd give me an RA spot. Why wouldn't they? I'm a personable guy, I've proved myself responsible, I love God, I'm striving to be a servant, I'm trying to reflect Christ in every aspect of my life.

I guess I take comfort in that they think I'm qualified. If they had told me that I was rejected because I was unfit to be an RA, that would really bug me. If only I hadn't been so indecisive.

But this is what God wants. Maybe I am supposed to go to DC. I don't really want to, though. But God has asked people to do stuff that they didn't want to do, before.... I don't know.

So I'm left with total uncertainty regarding next year. I have an upcoming school year that is basically one giant question mark.

I can't dwell on the "what-ifs". There's a lot of "what-ifs" I could totally kick myself over... but that's not God-honoring. In Philippians 3:13-14, Paul writes "brothers, I do not consider that I have made it (Pauls' goal) my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize that of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

When I took him out to lunch, Rick Holland gave me this piece of advice: when you're dealing with a hard trial, step back and ask yourself these three questions: "What do I think? What do I feel? What do I know?" Here we go:

What do I think?
I think that I'm an idiot for not making up my mind sooner. I think that I'm pretty much wasting my time and not glorifying God when I dwell on what I could've done differently. I think that next year is going to be pretty hard.

What do I feel?
Embarassed. Sad. Discouraged. Confused. Worried. Restless. Drained. Humble. Empty. Hope. Love. Trust. Peace, to some extent.

What do I know?
My God is at the same time completely good and completely sovereign. I have no idea how He's going to use me or what I'm going to do next year, but He is in complete control over it. I know that in order for the iron to be tough, it needs to pass through the fire first. I know that Jonah didn't want to go to Ninevah, but it was God's will for Him. Moses didn't think he could do what God asked him to do, but it was God's will for him. I know that if God wants me to be an RA, then I will be one; but if He doesn't want me to be one (and it really looks like He doesn't), then I won't be one-- there's nothing I can do to change any of this. I know that God is not glorified by complaining or being discouraged, but He is glorified when we look at our present circumstances and do our best to pursue Him with what we have been given. I know that it is my desire to glorify God. Therefore, I know what I've got to do-- I need to be like Christ in Philippians 2 and totally empty myself and serve others, no matter if I've got a position I want or not.

So I'm guessing I pretty much feel like Jonah did once the fish spit him up. He sat there on the shore, covered in fish vomit, pretty much feeling like he had been through the mill, with only one course of action to follow: he had to go on. Sounds like what I've got to do-- I've got to press on. Makes no sense to just sit here and wish things were different-- they're not. I can't change them, either. I've just got to press on. I hope God will make it clear over the summer what I should do. Even if He doesn't, I will still serve Him. I love Him.

Third Time's the Charm

So here is my new blog.

The focus is God.

That's pretty much all I got right now.

More later.