"This is Red 5, I'm going in..."

Well, I'm not gonna lie. This has been definitely one of the hardest weeks of my entire college career. I'm off to the races in a new semester and I'm looking around and I see myself being systematically deprived of my closest friends. It's like in Star Wars, when they're in those really cool space dogfights, all the guys in the X-Wings or Y-Wings or whatever keep getting blown up or shot down one by one... I feel like I'm the guy in the last X-Wing. It's pretty crazy.

But the thing is, as a Christian, we are never alone. I know it sounds cliche, but Jesus is always there. ALWAYS. Jesus gave his followers the wonderful and beautiful promise in Matthew 28:20b, which says "behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." And this is a lasting promise, because Christ doesn't change. Hebrews 13:8 affirms that "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." The Jesus who was with us from the start is with us now and will always be with us.

I've noticed a common theme in some hymns... many hymnwriters will comment on being deserted by those closest to themselves but still find joy in following Christ....
"Foes may hate and friends disown me, show Thy face and all is bright"-- from Jesus I My Cross have Taken
"Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer; in His arms He'll take and shield thee; Thou shalt find a solace there."-- from What a Friend We Have in Jesus
"Though none go with me, I still will follow..."-- from I Have Decided to Follow Jesus
"Let goods and kindred go, this mortal life also; the body they may kill, God's Word abideth still; His kingdom is forever."-- from A Mighty Fortress is Our God

These guys understood a proper understanding of our relationship with Christ. Our connection to Christ isn't just one of many relationships we have, it seriously is the best. I don't know how to say this enough. Christ is all we need. I can't help but think that the Apostle John was lonely while in exile on the Island of Patmos, but that his joy in those lonely times was found in the relationship that he had with his Lord and Savior and friend Jesus Christ.

But here's the rub, to quote the Bard... I don't always live this way. In fact, it's rare that I can honestly say, "I am totally fine with being alone." I take so much joy from human companionship and I only resort to my relationship with God after I seem deserted from all others. Which is why I believe I keep having to struggle with finding joy in my relationship to God. The more I read both C.S. Lewis and John Piper, the more I see that if we are going to ever draw Joy from our relationship with God, it must be our first Joy. To experience it as second to something cheapens it. To treat God as the next best option is an affronting insult to the Creator of the Universe. And yet we do that all the time. It's only in the hard times that we attempt to draw Joy from God, like a back up water resevoir in time of drought. God should be the first fountain we rush for, not the spare well. To treat Him as a reserve results in not knowing how to properly enjoy Him at all.

I belive that if one wants to really understand biblical Joy as found in God, one must read the Psalms first and foremost, and then supplement them (not that they, as the Word of God, need supplementing) with Lewis and Piper. I think Lewis and Piper are two sides of the same "biblical joy coin". Lewis is more poetic, Piper more didactic. Both are excellent.

I don't want it to sound like I'm being deserted by my friends. Many are only gone simply because of different geographical locations this semester, such as San Diego, D.C., and Jerusalem. Others have started dating or have gotten engaged, and now much of their time is devoted to other issues. Some indeed have pulled away for various and sundry reasons, but all are understandable.

It's just an interesting semester, that's all. The Lord is teaching me much. I read the small booklet A Call to Prayer by J.C. Ryle over the winter break-- incredible. It broke me down and convicted me that I am not a man of Prayer. Ryle basically makes the Biblical argument that one who claims to be a follower of God will be characterized by constant communication with God in the form of Prayer. Prayer is so important. In God's providence, I read this book just in time. I finished it just as soon I noticed how alone I've been, and it has served as a constant beacon to run to God in prayer. Truly we can take everything to God in prayer! Sometimes it just helps to get things off your chest, and God is the best listening ear, because not only does He fully understand, but He can actually do something about it.

So yes, it's been rough. Really rough. But it's been good. I think I'm being painfully stripped of my idolatry of friendships, of the sinful comfort I get from human relationships. Granted, our relationships with friends are gifts of God to be cherished, but when they are valued over our relationship with God, they become idols. And like the ghost with the lizard on his shoulder in Lewis' The Great Divorce, sometimes it is excruciatingly painful when we are broken of our sinful habits. But the end result is beautiful. So I understand that while this is painful for the moment, it is good that I'm learning to rely on friends less and less and to depend on God more and more. Truly, He will "make everything beautiful in its time..." (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

Praise God for that.

Praise You in this Storm

All the way, my Savior leads me,
What have I to ask beside?
Shall I doubt His tender mercies,
Who through life has been my guide?
Heavenly peace, divinest comfort,
Here by faith in Him to dwell;
For I know whate'er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well;
For I know whate'er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well.

I had to be at church this morning early. As I drove down the Southbound 5, blasting my new Switchfoot cd, I reflected on my current less-than-favorable circumstances. Yes, I may have screwed up once again, but God is bigger than my mistakes. I'm not saying that He's like some fairy godmother and whoosh, all of a sudden my problems will go away. Chances are I've created a big mess by being stupid, and stupidity has its just consequences. But He is compassionate, and loving, and has taken situations worse than this and turned them for His glory. So while we may undergo seasons of suffering brought on by our own foolishness and lack of wisdom, we can at least take comfort in the fact that God can make good out of the situation.

I think of the story that took place during the conquest of the land of Caanan- when the Gibeonites, a caananite tribe living who understood Israel's divinely-mandated conquest and annhilation, pretended to be a people from far away and fooled Joshua into making a covenant with them. This was a mistake on Joshua's part-- he did not fully look into the facts of the situation, but simply trusted people he had never met. Yet God used Joshua's mistake-- Israel's alliance with the Gibeonites resulted in the vanquishing of 5 major caananite tribes who wanted to attack the Gibeonites and demonstrated God's glory and power in His miracle of the Sun standing still in the Long-day battle.

God uses mistakes, and though their consequences may be unpleasant, even extremely unpleasant and to the point that it doesn't look like things will ever be the same again, He is glorified.

Dr. Varner preached an amazing message out of Genesis 15 this last semester-- quite possibly the best chapel message of Fall '06. He concluded his sermon with the admonition that we are to love the Giver, even when He takes His gifts from our life. Amazing. We need to be faithful to praise God "when the morning falls" and also when our hearts are "filled with the weight of doubt."

God's love is unconditional, and that is comforting. In their oft-mocked (yet incredible) album "Love Liberty Disco", the Newsboys sang a great line in the song "I Surrender All"-- He doesn't love us 'cuz of who we are, He only loves us 'cuz of who He is.

And that is a comforting thought.

Sugar on the Asphalt

I'm not alone 'cuz the TV's on;
I'm not crazy 'cuz I take the right pills everyday...

---Jimmy Eat World


I've got the house to myself this weekend. My parents and brother are away at High School winter camp. All my friends are either busy or out of town. There's nothing on TV and there's no DVD I want to watch. I don't feel like reading right now.

Which leaves me alone with my thoughts.

You think about a lot when you let yourself. I was just thinking about how I'm not artsy in the contemporary understanding of the word. I don't enjoy modern art. I don't like black-and-white photos of trash which people say are beautiful. I guess to some that means I'm out of touch. That's ok.

I attempted to eat an entire sampler plate of Hawaiin BBQ completely with chopsticks tonight. A little messy, but it tasted delicious.

Lately I feel like the whole world is moving forward; everyone is going somewhere, or is preparing to move on... I'm stuck in the same place I've been for the last 20 years. It is a feeling of restless inadequacy.

I'm reading "A Call to Prayer" by J.C. Ryle. It's kicking my butt. I'll probably blog on it more later.

It's times like these when the gravity of Paul's commands to "take every thought captive" and to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind" becomes readily apparent.

The Return of the Steve

Due to recent protest from Ben Blakey, I am resuming posting on the blogosphere. There were a lot of reasons why I haven't written for a while. For one, I had the most busy and difficult finals week I've ever had a few weeks ago. Another reason is that I was slightly put-out that no one seemed to think my post on Thurl Ravenscroft was funny at all. But the main reason I haven't posted is because I haven't really had anything profitable to say. This actually still might be the case.

A breif re-cap of what has occured in my life over the past month or so:

My intramural football team won the championship game. It was the most physical intramural football game I've played in my three years at the college. I got a couple sacks and I was given a significant shoulder injury that still bothers me. But hey, we went out champions.

I had the finals week from Sheol. Two in-class writing finals including several timed essays, a 75-question final on OT, and two more take-home finals that took about a total of 30 hours combined. Not kidding. My last final was due at 5:00 Friday afternoon of finals week. I finished it at 4:47 and ran to North Campus.

I said goodbye to two of my closest friends, and I don't know when the next time is that I will see either one of them. Hugh Jackson left in a very anti-climatic way... I took a short break to have one last dinner with him in the caf and then we loaded up Billy's car and just like that he and Houston were gone to LAX. Ben and I moved Tommy down to Escondido two weeks ago and that Friday he was gone in a similar rushed fashion. Not to be too philosophical, but their departures has gotten me really thinking not just about the brevity of this life, but also the brevity of relationships given us in this life. For that is what they are-- gifts; and no matter how fleeting, should be cherished and well stewarded, for like all things, we are to give an account of what we have been given to the One who gave them.

On that note, Ben leaves soon, too.

Christmas was very chill this year. We didn't host it for the first time in ages, and that was nice. I got a couple of sweaters, some piper books, the new Switchfoot cd and Matisyahu's Youth cd. Pretty good haul, if I do say so myself.

There was one thought that seemed to keep reoccuring in my mind this Christmas season. A phrase, actually. "The consolation of Israel." Luke 2:25 tells us that Simeon, the old man that greeted Mary and Joseph when they brought Jesus to the Temple on the 8th day, was waiting for "the consolation of Israel." I began to ask myself, what does this mean? Well, to console is to offer comfort, support, care in a time of grief or morning. It is "the shoulder to cry on", so to speak. It is the arm around the shoulders, the manifestation of hope in a time of sorrow. It is the glimmer of light when things are dark. The next logical question is, why would Israel need to be consoled? Is it because of the Romans and there oppresive occupation of the land and subjugation of the people of Israel? Not really. Israel's history is that of being subjected by other nations more physically powerful. No. Israel needed consolation because they had heard no word from God for 400 years. Israel needed consolation because they were already on their third temple. Israel needed consolation because few things had gone right since 586 BC, when the Chaldeans took them into exile. The reason Israel needed consolation was because they felt abandoned by God. He was nowhere to be found, they thought. And so God came to them, but in the form of a baby. Sadly though, as John 1 tells us, "His own did not receive Him." Israel rejected their consolation. I picture a weeping girl, sitting in ashes, being offered the loving arms of her husband, and yet she shrugs them away, refusing his Gift. But Christ did not go unwelcomed, and that is the Good News. Many turned, many still turn, and many more will turn to His open arms. And the Bible tells us that one day, Israel will finally accept the Gift, its consolation. My current study in Romans 9-11 has me convinced that God is not finished with His chosen race yet.

And that brings me to another topic. My mind has been largely drawn to thoughts of Israel over the past few months, and the need of God's people to come to Him. I'm sure some of it has something to do with IBEX Fall '07... but I don't think that's just it. I am praying about what God would have me do.

Which brings me to another topic. I have recently seen God do things what I thought utterly impossible. I mean things that I never, ever, ever believed in a million years would happen-- he made them happen. Astounding. I am convinced more than ever that He will bring to pass what He believes is best, and He will withhold what He deems is right to withhold. His name be praised.

There is much more I could write about, but this post is growing long enough, and I am tired.

Glad to be back.