Commentary on a Vapor, Volume III

Harry Potter Predictions

2007-07-16T22:02:00.001-07:00

In a week this will be absolutely pointless. But, I just want to voice my predictions for the upcoming book, and see how right I am in a few short days' time.

1.) Harry himself is a horcrux (albeit, an unintentional one) and will ultimately have to sacrifice himself to bring about Voldemort's end. This is my die-hard uber-theory, prompted by, of course the prophecy that "neither can live while the other survives" (it all depends on your interpretation of said prophecy), but also by something mentioned in Chamber of Secrets, on pages 332-333 of the American hardback edition:
"You can speak Parseltongue, Harry," said Dumbledore calmly, "because Lord Voldemort-- who is the last remaining descendant of Salazar Slytherin-- can speak Parseltongue. Unless I'm much mistaken, he transferred some of his own powers to you the night he gave you that scar. Not something he intended to do, I'm sure..."
"Voldemort put a bit of himself in me?" Harry said, thunderstruck.
"It certainly seems so."
I would venture a guess that Voldemort, who had every intention of murdering Harry, unwittingly transferred a fraction of the remaining part of his soul when the love Lily Potter demonstrated for her son by her death prevented the Dark Lord from accomplishing the Avada Kedavra curse. It's just a theory, but I'm sticking to it. I of course would like to be proven wrong-- I don't really want to see Harry die... but then again, there's always something cool when the hero goes out in a blaze of glory.

2.) Ron and Hermione will both survive and marry each other. I have become more and more convinced of this as I have gone back and re-read yet again the earlier books. Whenever anyone insults Hermione, be it Snape or Malfoy or whomever, Ron is always the first to stand up for her. All he needs to do is grow up a bit and be a man. (A side-prediction of mine that pertains to this particular one is that if indeed Harry does die, and if the novel does feature Ron and Hermione's lives down the line, then they will have named one of their children Harry. I don't claim to hold to this side-prediction too tightly at all).

3.) Hagrid will die. Rowling's trend over the last few books has been to kill off people, in order of increased attachment felt by the reader. Cedric Diggory's death was a shocker, but come on, we weren't too incredibly emotionally invested in the guy (he'd basically been around for one book). Sirius' death was more of a harder blow, for not only did we get just enough of character development to really empathize with the guy, but it was also tough because of what it meant to Harry-- the last person whom he could really call family was wiped out (we had known Sirius for 3 books). Dumbledore's death, on the other hand, was quite a blow. He represented wisdom, leadership, and the only power tough enough to frighten Voldemort. Rowling has crafted in the reader a sense of loving respect for Dumbledore ever since he caringly explained the Mirror of Erised to Harry over Christmas break of his first year at Hogwarts-- this is why his death hurt so much. There are only three other characters whose deaths could possibly cause more of an emotional pain than Dumbledore: Ron, Hermione, and Hagrid. Since I'm pretty sure that Ron and Hermione will live happily ever after, that leaves Hagrid to pay the ultimate sacrifice. Shame, really-- I think he's my favorite character. But trust me, if Rowling decides to kill off Hagrid, he's gonna go out swinging.

4.) Snape's a good guy. Please. This is obvious. All the debate about this has been ridiculous. Yes, he is loathsome. Yes, he is despicable in how he hates Harry. But seriously, the writing's on the wall. The clues are all throughout Half-Blood Prince that he and Dumbledore had made an agreement that if it looked like Draco was about to suceed in his mission, Snape would actually do it. Snape didn't want to, that's why he prevented Harry from being killed or captured for so long, and that's why he was arguing with Dumbledore (as reported by Hagrid), and that is why he had the look of revulsion on his face before he performed the Avada Kedavra curse (he was revolted by the act he had to do, not by Dumbledore), and that is why Dumbledore was begging him "Severus, please..."-- Dumbledore was begging Snape to finish the job he did not want to do. He killed Dumbledore on Dumbledore's orders to acheive some unforseen greater advantage. My guess is that Rowling's got some semi-Deus-Ex-Machina plot device in store in which Dumbledore's death will somehow strengthen the Order of the Phoenix in ways they didn't think possible. Sort of like an Obi-Wan-saying-If-you-strike-me-down-Darth-I-shall-become-more-powerful-than-you-ever-imagined thing. Incidentally, I also think Snape will die. The Order wants to kill him and the Death Eaters will want to kill him once they learn his true alleigance has always been to Dumbledore-- there's just no getting out of this alive for Severus.

I have some other theories, as well, but I won't explain them, because I haven't thought them all the way through. Most of them include death. Some of them are....
--Rufus Scrimgeour is not entirely on the right side
--Ginny might be a Horcrux, due to her involvement with Riddle's diary.
--Fred and George might die, but if they do, they'll go out in a blaze of glory, just as they did when they left Hogwarts.
--Umbridge will meet a sticky end (I hope).
--Draco Malfoy will die (at Voldemort's hands, not Harry's).
--Lupin and Tonks will get married (I hope-- the revelation of their relationship at the end of Half-Blood Prince was one of the best things about that book).
--Percy will be reunited with the Weasley family (about time, too-- he's a little jerk).
--Neville and Luna will get married.
--Neville will finally come into his own and kill Bellatrix Lestrange, anvenging his parents.

But, after all this is said and done, I would be remiss if I didn't mention something Ben Blakey told me the other day as we were going to see the opening-night midnight showing of Order of the Phoenix. He said that he has faith in Rowling's abilities to tell a good story and to pull something out of her sleeve that none of us saw coming. Ben said that he wouldn't be satisfied with an ending that people like me could look at and say "see, I totally saw that coming... I totally called it, dude." I actually hope Ben's right. I want to be surprised by this book, like I was by the last one. We'll know in a short while.

Ummm... ok....

2007-07-11T22:57:00.000-07:00

Well, it looks like once I published my "golly-gee, I just don't know what happened to my other post, so I'll sum it up and add some new stuff" post, the previous post decides to show up as well.

Technology. How I hate it. (I'm also afraid of it because I just saw Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, the basic premise of which is that mankind is so dependent on cell phones and the internet and cyberspace that if it gained sentience and turned against us, we'd be helpless-- think about it-- it's true).

I also rented Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas and watched it the whole way through for the first time. Boy, am I glad I used a free rental coupon and spent none of my own money on it-- it was not what I heard it was cracked up to be. The Corpse Bride was way better.

Speaking of The Corpse Bride, which stars Helena Bonham Carter's voice as the voice of Emily (the Corpse Bride), I saw Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (which features Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix Lestrange) with Ben Blakey and Esther Ko last night at midnight. It was kinda the reverse effect of what I experienced with Nightmare Before Christmas-- I went into Harry Potter with low expectations (because I don't especially like book #5 of the Harry Potter series), and was pleasantly surprised.

Ok, now I'm gonna go to bed.

Cheer Up My Brothers, Live in the Sunshine

2007-07-11T22:32:00.000-07:00

Glorious sight, huh? While on my trip up to Santa Rosa to be an usher in my roommate Christian Locatell's wedding, I took a lot of pictures. This one's my favorite. It's the coolest thing I saw in San Francisco. Yes, I ate at both places (accompanied by Robby Wisnewski and Ray Myers).

So I wrote this great post last weekend, and for some reason, it failed to publish. And being the idiot I am, I failed to save it. I'll give you the basic run-down of what I said:

I got my scores back from the LSAT. I did not score as well as I hoped. It's been humbling-- school's always been the thing that I'm good at, and I totally blow the biggest test of my life. But I now rest in the basic truth that if the Lord wants me to go to Law School, it is clear that it will be His work, and none of my own, that gets me there. Of course, I'm still going to work hard towards the goal of law school and becoming a lawyer, but it is more clear now than ever that despite our best efforts, it is always the Lord who brings us through. This will no doubt be the case here: if God wants me at Law school, He'll get me there. His name be praised. Seriously.

Which reminds me of something else that's been going on lately. After more than a year of several trips to Uganda, no doubt many tears and prayers, a plethora of court apperances, and countless conversations to court officials, Cindi and Gunner Gundersen will finally be welcoming their son Judah into their home at Oak Manor this friday. You can read all about it at Gunner's blog. They have trusted the Lord through good times and rough times, and have looked to Him when things seemed hopeless. He has rewarded their effort, patience, and trust and is bringing them their son soon. It has been such a beautiful example of what it looks like to wait upon the Lord, and is a model I hope to follow as I apply to Law Schools with my mediocre score.

Ever since I learned to play the guitar, my favorite thing to do has been to figure out how to play old hymns, especially what would be called "old-timey religion music." One of my personal favorites is "There Is a Fountain Filled With Blood", and I try to play it as much as possible for worship at my Bible Study. You know the type of songs, some are theologically sound enough to sing at G-Comm, others don't quite make the cut ;-) (that's just a mild jab at my church's music department, nothing personal). One I learned last weekend has been a great commentary (at least in my mind) of all the stuff I see going on in my life and in the lives of others. It's called "Farther Along"-- check it out, it's pretty good.

Adios, muchachos.

Fish Vomit, Part Deuce

2007-07-07T19:57:00.000-07:00

First off, look at the picture to the left: have you ever seen a more glorious sight in your life? I submit that you have not. In-N-Out and Krispy Kreme, my two cruel mistresses, gleaming in the twilit sky.... magnificent, simply magnificent.

This is one of the pics from my trip up to Santa Cruz and Santa Rosa that I said I was going to post like 5 weeks ago. Obviously, the time has come and gone and the small percentage of people who actually gave a rip then have long forgotten that I even took a trip up north, which really is OK with me. But I thought I'd add a pic of my personally favorite site in San Francisco-- the parking lot that had both an In-N-Out and a Krispy Kreme.... and in case you're wondering, yes, I did eat at both. It was marvelous.

Speaking of people noticing my blog, I expect my redearship to decrease dramatically, considering as how I have recently deactivated my facebook account, and most of the people who read my blog were those who read it as an imported "note" on facebook. Oh well. I temporarily deactivated my facebook account because I felt it was serving no real redeeming purpose, was taking up too much of my time, and all sorts of wierd people I didn't know were starting to write on my wall. Kinda creepy. I'll probably re-activate it sometime soon, most likely when I leave for Israel.

Israel. Wow. I'm excited to go, but I'm bummed that I'll be away from the states this fall. For one, I'm missing football season, especially Santa Clarita Christian Football, for whom I have been the home-team announcer for the last two years. I'm also pretty upset that I'll be missing the re-release of Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas in theatres. But, hey, it's Israel.

So about 15 months ago (give or take), I wrote a post reflecting on the recent rejection of my application for being an RA. My world was shattered. I trusted the Lord, but it was hard. A lot of people I cared about knew that I had applied, and it was embarrassing to have them all find out that I was weighed in TMC's Student Life's balances and found wanting. I felt so unsure about what my future would look like, because the dream I had selfishly crafted had vanished in an instant.

Well, it happened again. The LSAT scores came back a week ago, and again, I was tried in the Law School Admissions Council's scales and found wanting. I won't post my score on the internet, but in my opinion, the term "abysmal" would be applicable. Gone were my dreams of a full ride to the law school of my choosing, gone were the fantasies of various Law School admission departments sending me promotional material, begging me to enroll at their specific institution.

But it's been a good thing. I know now that if I am going to get into law school, and if I'm going to get any financial aid at all, it will be the Lord, no question. I don't know how this is all gonna work out, but this has all made me absolutley sure: I want to go to Law School, and I fully trust the Lord to get me there. No good thing will he withhold from those who walk uprightly. It's like my roommate Robby told me, "your crappy LSAT score doesn't change the fact that God is still on the throne."

Well, I am of course blogging because I have homework to be working on, so I better get back to that.

Adios, muchachos.

Relatively pointless update...

2007-06-19T23:59:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have been both intense and dull, to put it mildly. The LSAT was a beast, I'll not kid you. What I wasn't prepared for was just how long that thing can go... they called us in at 12:30... they didn't let us go until 5:45. Good night! You need mental stamina to survive. Only time will tell what my score is... I should know in a few weeks.

King Hall is being rearranged. Me, Pete, and Rob have been banished to Chapel Media and the International department has taken over our offices for good. Meanwhile, what was the International side of the building will be remodeled, and it will be finished just in time for me to leave for IBEX. Oh joy.

Speaking of IBEX, I've been stocking up on more stuff to take over there. The more it draws closer, the more it feels like a reality. I'm getting a little nervous.

Ocean's Thirteen is an incredibly entertaining movie... especially all the scenes with Casey Affleck and Scott Caan in Mexico.... made me laugh so hard because it reminded me of myself and my brother, if we were to start a labor strike at some factory in Mexico...

I've been reminded of the Lord's goodness these past few weeks. I can't say that I've been perfect in my daily devotions... far from it. And yet He is more than faithful to supply more than I could ever need. He even opens the door for wonderful surprises, for things that I thought were beyond what I could hope for. He is truly good.

I'm going to bed.

"Your current job situation leaves no excuse for your total lack of blogging." ---Benjamin A. Blakey

2007-06-02T06:53:00.000-07:00

Like the cowboy riding into the town on a dusty afternoon, I have returned to the blogosphere. I know you're all quivering with excitment. I said quiver, darn you, quiver!

I had wanted to include pictures from my recent trip to Santa Cruz, Santa Rosa, Sonoma, and San Francisco with this post, but alas, I'm still working on making my computer and my camera get along.

Anyway, where to begin. May was a heckuva month, I tell you what. Finals week was the devil. My piano final had me so freaked out, I thought I would pass out before I finished my piece. I think I typed 8 pages, single-spaced on the flaws of Marxist economic theory and the difference between Montesqueiu and Rousseau for my Western Political Philosophy 2 class. But, by God's grace, my finals were completed, I moved out of the dorms for good, and I lived to see graduation.

Graduation was not as hard as I had expected. It was a little sad to see some really close friends go, and I was at times definitely envious of those who were walking accross the stage while I still have another year left, but I praise the Lord for the time that I've had to spend with these people and how much he's grown each one of them. I pray that He will keep each of them close to Himself as they go out to serve Him.

The briefness of time we have with people was made painfully aware to me earlier this week. I found out on Tuesday that a girl I had gone to high school with had been killed in a car accident last weekend. While I wasn't too particularly close with this girl, I have a number of friends who were, and it was a sobering reminder that each of our days are numbered and that we must maximize our time here for the glory of God, for none of us know when the time will be when He calls us home and we must give an account for how we have lived. We also must maximize our relationships with others, for we know not when they will leave for good, either.

Football... I felt the ache this week, stronger than I have in a long time. Summer's here, the weather's getting hot, and my body's still telling me that I ought to be doing more pre-season training. Man, I miss football. I miss the sweat, the blood, the hitting, the tackling, the feeling you have after practice... I hope there's football in heaven. Maybe we'll have a tournament, like Baptists vs. Methodists, or Lutherans vs. Evangelicals, or Pre-Mils vs. A-mils, or Presbyterians vs. Charismatics (actually, in some churches, the line is blurring between that last pair). I, of course, would be glad to play for the Non-Denominational 4-Point Calvinists, which of course would be the best team in the HFL (Heavenly Football League). Wow, I think I just took this too far. Oh well, something to look forward to.

I was also reminded this week just how much I love double-chili-cheeseburgers and New York Rib-Eye steak. As long as we're making predictions about Heaven, I'd like to think that we'll be eating double-chili-cheeseburgers and New York Rib-Eye steak at the marriage feast of the Lamb. That'd be sweet.

So a ton of people are getting engaged and married. It's really trippy. I was just in my old roommate's wedding (I was an usher and I had no idea what I was doing), and another friend who I spent a considerable amount of time with freshman year just got engaged, to name a few. It's really cool-- every new engagement and wedding is another chance to stand back and praise the Lord for His sovereign orchestration of people's lives and the knitting together of their hearts so that they can better serve Him together than they could if they were seperate.

I've been studying for the LSAT the past three weeks. I take the test in one week, on Monday, June 11th. I can honestly say that I'm terrified. I've been having nightmares about sitting down to take the test, and only getting through about four questions or not even being able to read the test... I'm gonna be so happy when this is over. I know that the Lord is with me and that all I need to do is keep studying and do my best, but this has me on edge... oh boy.

On a parting note, I will give a quick review of the movies I've seen lately (I figure if being a lawyer doesn't work out, I could be a movie critic):
Spider-Man 3: 2 out of 5 stars
Pirates 3: 3 out of 5 stars
Paris je T'amie: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Adios for now!

We are close to the Cross when we have been laid low...

2007-05-03T23:59:00.000-07:00

I changed the "time" on this post to make it say that it was written Thursday (even thought I'm writing in at 4:00am Friday morning), because, in my mind, it's still Thursday.

Today was a rough day. The Lord really worked me over. One thing after another: sin after sin in my life was exposed, friends hurt, my inadequacies were laid bare. But the Lord shown through it all. He was there.

I don't really know what kingdom purpose I'm accomplishing by writing about my bad day, except that I want to put the Lord and His goodness on display. He is kind, He is gentle. He is faithful to rebuke and reprove and to discipline. He is loving and willing to restore and forgive. He is always there. He sees the tears and the pain and He lovingly says, "follow me; the punishment is for your good; follow me; I care for you; follow me, trust me, follow me."

Praise God, who wondrously ordaineth all things.

I'm gonna close with a song that I've recently learned. It's a Sandra McCracken song titled "In the Secret of His Presence" and it has brought me to my knees in prayer and praise much these past few weeks. (I put my favorite verse in bold)

In the secret of His presence, how my soul delights to hide!
O, how precious are the lessons which I learn at Jesus' side!
Earthly cares forever vex me, all my trials lay me low;
But when Satan comes to tempt me, to that secret place I go.

When my soul is faint and thirsty, 'neath the shadow of His wing
There is cool and pleasant shelter, and a fresh and crystal spring;
And my Savior rests beside me, as we hold communion sweet.
If I tried, I could not utter what He says when thus we meet.

Only this I know: I tell Him all my doubts, my griefs and fears;
O, how patiently He listens! And my sorrowed soul He cheers.
Do you think he ne'er reproves me? What a false friend He would be,
If he never, never told me of the sin which He must see.

Would you like to know the sweetness of the secret of the Lord?
Go and hide beneath His shadow. This shall then be your reward;
And whene'er you leave the silence of that happy meeting place,
You will surely bear the image of the Master on your face.

Mexican Standoff

2007-04-22T15:49:00.000-07:00

The Mexican Standoff. It is a frighteningly beautiful thing. Frightening, of course, because of the immense danger involved. Beautiful though, because of the tension. I believe it was Sixpence None the Richer, who stated quite poetically that “tension is to be loved when it is like a passing note to a beautiful, beautiful chord.” Being a fan of action and suspense movies, I understand tension. Being a guitarist, I understand beautiful chords (examples of beautiful chords: C#m, B7, and G7… but not played in the same sequence).

I feel like I’m in a number of symbolical Mexican standoffs right now. With homework. With people. With life. Some things I just want to get rid of, to be done with. Yet the harsh truth is that I too run the risk of being done away with myself.

But the thing is, I’m not in a Mexican Standoff with God. Not that I could win one, anyway. But I think that this is the beautiful chord—no matter how rough and harsh and agonizingly tense things get with homework and with people, the Lord is there. He never leaves nor forsakes. He’s my Good Shepherd, and with Him guiding me, I’ll make it just fine.

But until then, don’t flinch. ‘Cuz then you die.

Look Familiar?

2007-03-26T01:47:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I'm really tired and I have a whole bunch of exams coming up, but I haven't posted in over a month, and I'd thought I'd just contribute a little something to the blogosphere...

My pastor, Rick Holland, told me about this video on youtube. It's called "Me Worship", and it's pretty funny.

But think about it? Is this how we praise? I have the privilege to lead worship by singing and playing guitar for my bible study. I'm not too great at either of those things, but I'll be honest, it is a constant battle with the temptation to be sinfully proud every time I get up there.

So, is your worship a joyful noise unto the Lord or unto yourself? Laugh at this video; it's intended to be funny... but think about it? Are you just as obnoxious to the Lord in your praise (of yourself) as this guy is?

Resolved Reflections

2007-02-20T00:57:00.000-08:00

So I'm back from Resolved and immediately in the thick of the routine.... not much time to get my bearings, but the Lord is gracious.

Resolved was amazing. Simply amazing. I won't try to provide an in-depth synopsis for each of the messages, because world-renown Christian blogger Tim Challies (whom I got to meet!) did a far better job of summing up each sermon on his blog, www.challies.com. Seriously, it would be profitable to check it out.

I'm very tired, but I'll just try to fire off a few quick observations from my experience at the Conference.
1.) The Lord answers prayer-- I came to this conference with a super busy and hectic schedule, and I knew I was returning to a still super busy and hectic schedule, but I asked the Lord that He would help calm my heart and help me really absorb some truth this weekend, and by His grace, He did.
2.) Fellowship is sweet, but not with everyone in the entire world-- what I mean is this... for so long, I've been the guy who knows everybody. I realized this weekend that it is often quite better to spend time socializing with only a few close friends and then even just yourself and the Lord than with everyone you see that you know. And when it comes to fellowship, when you don't try to be that guy who's always talking to someone but you take advantage of the solitary moments, the Lord brings about the sweetest fellowship, hands down.
3.) John Piper boggles my mind-- I'm not kidding. I've read his books, I've read his blog and internet posts, I've heard his cd's, and I've even watched his dvd's.... but hearing him in person blew me away. I don't believe I have ever witnessed firsthand such a volatile and Christ-exalting combination of intellectualism and passion inside a single human person. His sermon this morning (well, technically, yesterday) on missions might quite possibly have profound ramifications on the direction of my life. His sermon Sunday evening on the Gospel was so profound, I'm going to have to listen to the cd about 5 times just to begin to get it all to sink in.
4.) The Gospel is precious-- I've grown up knowing this, but this weekend, I believed it. This truly is the greatest story ever told. It's not just base on a true story, it is the True Story. The most adequate response I can think of is the chorus of one of the last songs we sang: "How marvelous, how wonderful, and my song shall ever be: How marvelous, how wonderful is my Savior's love for me!"
5.) I'm exhausted, so I'm going to bed.

"What can I reply? My hand I lay upon my lips; Shall I attempt to speak?"

2007-02-13T00:32:00.000-08:00

Spring semester is like water. No matter how hard you try to hold onto it, it just slips by. I don't know what it is. Weeks go by faster, classes take less time-- if you're not careful, you find yourself at the end of yet another week asking yourself, "what just happened? wasn't it just Truth and Life?"

This semester in particular is a blur. Even for all the trials, it's gone by fast. One minute you're living up winter break, and then all of a sudden it snows for one morning in Santa Clarita, you send your friend off to Israel, and then life hits you. You think you have time, but you don't.

Wow. Is this how life is gonna be? So fast. So very, very fast.

I guess it is. We grow up. We grow old. Friends come and go.

The Lord stays the same.

As does our responsibility to be faithful.

I think that's what I'm learning most. Yeah, things go by at lightning speed sometimes. It's not about really stopping and smelling the roses, although that's sometimes a profitable exercise. No. It's really about maximizing every moment for the glory of God. It's about seizing every potential opportunity and squeezing all the juice out of it like you would a lime over a fish taco.

I've got to confess, I haven't really succeeded in this. I swore this would be a semester that I would never have to worry about catching up on homework, a semester that I would work out every day and still have time for extra-cirricular reading and be the best Vice President this school has ever seen. Let's just say that those goals haven't been realized yet.

Life comes at you fast, and you don't always have time to deliberate over what is the right thing to do-- sometimes you just have to act. This is why we need to be constantly influenced by the wisdom of the Word of God... so that we make the right choices when they're thrown at us.

In three months, this will be over. I will move out of the dorms for good. I will be done with Vice President. I will be done with Political Studies (except for Senior Seminar). I will be planning for IBEX. One friend will be moving up to Portland for good, two friends to Orange County, and another to Italy for a year. It's weird to think that it's only three months away... three months ago I was watching my brother's high school football career come to a close. Strange to think that in that same amount of time, so many other things will come to a close.

It seems like I'm saying the same things over and over again, and with no real redeeming purpose at that. But I believe it helps to marinate on the fleeting nature of this life. Again, that's why I've titled this blog what I've titled it. This is a vapor. And the vapor is a gift.

Wow.

I guess, in a way, it sort of makes me sad. Robert Frost was right when he penned "nothing gold can stay." But I'm also excited. There's always something new around the corner. A new day, a new friendship, a new trial, a new struggle, a new job, a new book to read, a new joke to tell, a new food to eat, a new sermon to hear, a new aspect of God to dwell on. We never stop learning, as long as we're open. But more than sad or excited, I am struck silent. I can't help but step back and watch the blur that is life on this earth and just ponder that time has no meaning to God. For Him, this is both no time and a very, very long time--- He is in time, but not bound by it. This is already over, this has just begun. I think. Wow.

The Lord is good.

More Manliness...

2007-02-02T08:09:00.000-08:00

I probably should have included this link to an article written by Al Mohler nearly two years ago. In it he outlines the characteristics of a godly man... and some of them might just surprise you. It's definitely worth more than a passing glance.

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001093.cfm

Ummm... the picture of the creepy looking guy is not Al Mohler... but he does freak the heck out of me.

The Measure of a Man

2007-02-01T15:27:00.000-08:00

My friend Pete Bargas recently wrote an incredible post on what he calls "humility vs. wimpiness". He hit right on the head some of the issues I've been wrestling with for a while. If you're a guy and you've got a few minutes, read it. It's some great stuff.

http://petebargas.blogspot.com/2007/01/humility-vs-wimpiness.html

"This is Red 5, I'm going in..."

2007-01-27T22:47:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm not gonna lie. This has been definitely one of the hardest weeks of my entire college career. I'm off to the races in a new semester and I'm looking around and I see myself being systematically deprived of my closest friends. It's like in Star Wars, when they're in those really cool space dogfights, all the guys in the X-Wings or Y-Wings or whatever keep getting blown up or shot down one by one... I feel like I'm the guy in the last X-Wing. It's pretty crazy.

But the thing is, as a Christian, we are never alone. I know it sounds cliche, but Jesus is always there. ALWAYS. Jesus gave his followers the wonderful and beautiful promise in Matthew 28:20b, which says "behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." And this is a lasting promise, because Christ doesn't change. Hebrews 13:8 affirms that "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." The Jesus who was with us from the start is with us now and will always be with us.

I've noticed a common theme in some hymns... many hymnwriters will comment on being deserted by those closest to themselves but still find joy in following Christ....
"Foes may hate and friends disown me, show Thy face and all is bright"-- from Jesus I My Cross have Taken
"Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer; in His arms He'll take and shield thee; Thou shalt find a solace there."-- from What a Friend We Have in Jesus
"Though none go with me, I still will follow..."-- from I Have Decided to Follow Jesus
"Let goods and kindred go, this mortal life also; the body they may kill, God's Word abideth still; His kingdom is forever."-- from A Mighty Fortress is Our God

These guys understood a proper understanding of our relationship with Christ. Our connection to Christ isn't just one of many relationships we have, it seriously is the best. I don't know how to say this enough. Christ is all we need. I can't help but think that the Apostle John was lonely while in exile on the Island of Patmos, but that his joy in those lonely times was found in the relationship that he had with his Lord and Savior and friend Jesus Christ.

But here's the rub, to quote the Bard... I don't always live this way. In fact, it's rare that I can honestly say, "I am totally fine with being alone." I take so much joy from human companionship and I only resort to my relationship with God after I seem deserted from all others. Which is why I believe I keep having to struggle with finding joy in my relationship to God. The more I read both C.S. Lewis and John Piper, the more I see that if we are going to ever draw Joy from our relationship with God, it must be our first Joy. To experience it as second to something cheapens it. To treat God as the next best option is an affronting insult to the Creator of the Universe. And yet we do that all the time. It's only in the hard times that we attempt to draw Joy from God, like a back up water resevoir in time of drought. God should be the first fountain we rush for, not the spare well. To treat Him as a reserve results in not knowing how to properly enjoy Him at all.

I belive that if one wants to really understand biblical Joy as found in God, one must read the Psalms first and foremost, and then supplement them (not that they, as the Word of God, need supplementing) with Lewis and Piper. I think Lewis and Piper are two sides of the same "biblical joy coin". Lewis is more poetic, Piper more didactic. Both are excellent.

I don't want it to sound like I'm being deserted by my friends. Many are only gone simply because of different geographical locations this semester, such as San Diego, D.C., and Jerusalem. Others have started dating or have gotten engaged, and now much of their time is devoted to other issues. Some indeed have pulled away for various and sundry reasons, but all are understandable.

It's just an interesting semester, that's all. The Lord is teaching me much. I read the small booklet A Call to Prayer by J.C. Ryle over the winter break-- incredible. It broke me down and convicted me that I am not a man of Prayer. Ryle basically makes the Biblical argument that one who claims to be a follower of God will be characterized by constant communication with God in the form of Prayer. Prayer is so important. In God's providence, I read this book just in time. I finished it just as soon I noticed how alone I've been, and it has served as a constant beacon to run to God in prayer. Truly we can take everything to God in prayer! Sometimes it just helps to get things off your chest, and God is the best listening ear, because not only does He fully understand, but He can actually do something about it.

So yes, it's been rough. Really rough. But it's been good. I think I'm being painfully stripped of my idolatry of friendships, of the sinful comfort I get from human relationships. Granted, our relationships with friends are gifts of God to be cherished, but when they are valued over our relationship with God, they become idols. And like the ghost with the lizard on his shoulder in Lewis' The Great Divorce, sometimes it is excruciatingly painful when we are broken of our sinful habits. But the end result is beautiful. So I understand that while this is painful for the moment, it is good that I'm learning to rely on friends less and less and to depend on God more and more. Truly, He will "make everything beautiful in its time..." (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

Praise God for that.

Praise You in this Storm

2007-01-07T07:50:00.000-08:00

All the way, my Savior leads me,
What have I to ask beside?
Shall I doubt His tender mercies,
Who through life has been my guide?
Heavenly peace, divinest comfort,
Here by faith in Him to dwell;
For I know whate'er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well;
For I know whate'er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well.

I had to be at church this morning early. As I drove down the Southbound 5, blasting my new Switchfoot cd, I reflected on my current less-than-favorable circumstances. Yes, I may have screwed up once again, but God is bigger than my mistakes. I'm not saying that He's like some fairy godmother and whoosh, all of a sudden my problems will go away. Chances are I've created a big mess by being stupid, and stupidity has its just consequences. But He is compassionate, and loving, and has taken situations worse than this and turned them for His glory. So while we may undergo seasons of suffering brought on by our own foolishness and lack of wisdom, we can at least take comfort in the fact that God can make good out of the situation.

I think of the story that took place during the conquest of the land of Caanan- when the Gibeonites, a caananite tribe living who understood Israel's divinely-mandated conquest and annhilation, pretended to be a people from far away and fooled Joshua into making a covenant with them. This was a mistake on Joshua's part-- he did not fully look into the facts of the situation, but simply trusted people he had never met. Yet God used Joshua's mistake-- Israel's alliance with the Gibeonites resulted in the vanquishing of 5 major caananite tribes who wanted to attack the Gibeonites and demonstrated God's glory and power in His miracle of the Sun standing still in the Long-day battle.

God uses mistakes, and though their consequences may be unpleasant, even extremely unpleasant and to the point that it doesn't look like things will ever be the same again, He is glorified.

Dr. Varner preached an amazing message out of Genesis 15 this last semester-- quite possibly the best chapel message of Fall '06. He concluded his sermon with the admonition that we are to love the Giver, even when He takes His gifts from our life. Amazing. We need to be faithful to praise God "when the morning falls" and also when our hearts are "filled with the weight of doubt."

God's love is unconditional, and that is comforting. In their oft-mocked (yet incredible) album "Love Liberty Disco", the Newsboys sang a great line in the song "I Surrender All"-- He doesn't love us 'cuz of who we are, He only loves us 'cuz of who He is.

And that is a comforting thought.

Sugar on the Asphalt

2007-01-05T20:33:00.000-08:00

I'm not alone 'cuz the TV's on;
I'm not crazy 'cuz I take the right pills everyday...

---Jimmy Eat World

I've got the house to myself this weekend. My parents and brother are away at High School winter camp. All my friends are either busy or out of town. There's nothing on TV and there's no DVD I want to watch. I don't feel like reading right now.

Which leaves me alone with my thoughts.

You think about a lot when you let yourself. I was just thinking about how I'm not artsy in the contemporary understanding of the word. I don't enjoy modern art. I don't like black-and-white photos of trash which people say are beautiful. I guess to some that means I'm out of touch. That's ok.

I attempted to eat an entire sampler plate of Hawaiin BBQ completely with chopsticks tonight. A little messy, but it tasted delicious.

Lately I feel like the whole world is moving forward; everyone is going somewhere, or is preparing to move on... I'm stuck in the same place I've been for the last 20 years. It is a feeling of restless inadequacy.

I'm reading "A Call to Prayer" by J.C. Ryle. It's kicking my butt. I'll probably blog on it more later.

It's times like these when the gravity of Paul's commands to "take every thought captive" and to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind" becomes readily apparent.

The Return of the Steve

2007-01-03T21:30:00.000-08:00

Due to recent protest from Ben Blakey, I am resuming posting on the blogosphere. There were a lot of reasons why I haven't written for a while. For one, I had the most busy and difficult finals week I've ever had a few weeks ago. Another reason is that I was slightly put-out that no one seemed to think my post on Thurl Ravenscroft was funny at all. But the main reason I haven't posted is because I haven't really had anything profitable to say. This actually still might be the case.

A breif re-cap of what has occured in my life over the past month or so:

My intramural football team won the championship game. It was the most physical intramural football game I've played in my three years at the college. I got a couple sacks and I was given a significant shoulder injury that still bothers me. But hey, we went out champions.

I had the finals week from Sheol. Two in-class writing finals including several timed essays, a 75-question final on OT, and two more take-home finals that took about a total of 30 hours combined. Not kidding. My last final was due at 5:00 Friday afternoon of finals week. I finished it at 4:47 and ran to North Campus.

I said goodbye to two of my closest friends, and I don't know when the next time is that I will see either one of them. Hugh Jackson left in a very anti-climatic way... I took a short break to have one last dinner with him in the caf and then we loaded up Billy's car and just like that he and Houston were gone to LAX. Ben and I moved Tommy down to Escondido two weeks ago and that Friday he was gone in a similar rushed fashion. Not to be too philosophical, but their departures has gotten me really thinking not just about the brevity of this life, but also the brevity of relationships given us in this life. For that is what they are-- gifts; and no matter how fleeting, should be cherished and well stewarded, for like all things, we are to give an account of what we have been given to the One who gave them.

On that note, Ben leaves soon, too.

Christmas was very chill this year. We didn't host it for the first time in ages, and that was nice. I got a couple of sweaters, some piper books, the new Switchfoot cd and Matisyahu's Youth cd. Pretty good haul, if I do say so myself.

There was one thought that seemed to keep reoccuring in my mind this Christmas season. A phrase, actually. "The consolation of Israel." Luke 2:25 tells us that Simeon, the old man that greeted Mary and Joseph when they brought Jesus to the Temple on the 8th day, was waiting for "the consolation of Israel." I began to ask myself, what does this mean? Well, to console is to offer comfort, support, care in a time of grief or morning. It is "the shoulder to cry on", so to speak. It is the arm around the shoulders, the manifestation of hope in a time of sorrow. It is the glimmer of light when things are dark. The next logical question is, why would Israel need to be consoled? Is it because of the Romans and there oppresive occupation of the land and subjugation of the people of Israel? Not really. Israel's history is that of being subjected by other nations more physically powerful. No. Israel needed consolation because they had heard no word from God for 400 years. Israel needed consolation because they were already on their third temple. Israel needed consolation because few things had gone right since 586 BC, when the Chaldeans took them into exile. The reason Israel needed consolation was because they felt abandoned by God. He was nowhere to be found, they thought. And so God came to them, but in the form of a baby. Sadly though, as John 1 tells us, "His own did not receive Him." Israel rejected their consolation. I picture a weeping girl, sitting in ashes, being offered the loving arms of her husband, and yet she shrugs them away, refusing his Gift. But Christ did not go unwelcomed, and that is the Good News. Many turned, many still turn, and many more will turn to His open arms. And the Bible tells us that one day, Israel will finally accept the Gift, its consolation. My current study in Romans 9-11 has me convinced that God is not finished with His chosen race yet.

And that brings me to another topic. My mind has been largely drawn to thoughts of Israel over the past few months, and the need of God's people to come to Him. I'm sure some of it has something to do with IBEX Fall '07... but I don't think that's just it. I am praying about what God would have me do.

Which brings me to another topic. I have recently seen God do things what I thought utterly impossible. I mean things that I never, ever, ever believed in a million years would happen-- he made them happen. Astounding. I am convinced more than ever that He will bring to pass what He believes is best, and He will withhold what He deems is right to withhold. His name be praised.

There is much more I could write about, but this post is growing long enough, and I am tired.

Glad to be back.

The Shoe Fits....

2006-11-27T00:16:00.000-08:00

Do you remember the old animated version of "Dr. Seuss's How the Grinch Stole Christmas"? Do you remember that great song that gets stuck in your head? You know, the one sung by that guy with a really deep, almost sinister-sounding voice that goes "you're a mean one, Mr. Grinch..."?

That guy who sang that song.... do you know what his name is? I found this out the other day and I cracked up....

His name is Thurl Ravenscroft.

That's right. Thurl Ravenscroft.

If I had to pick a name for the guy who sang the "you're a mean one, Mr. Grinch..." song, I couldn't pick a better name than "Thurl Ravenscroft".

Are you kidding me.

It's perfect.

In Heaven, my future career will be obsolete... and I'm for that I am grateful...

2006-11-20T19:07:00.000-08:00

So I'm sitting in my Church Law class right now (don't worry, I promise that I'm paying attention-- I'm one of those rare guys who can actually multi-task...) and we're talking about our papers that we just turned in. Basically, the premise of the paper was how we, as legal counselors, would respond to specific sex scandals that rocked a fictitious local church. The paper was supposed to be 10-15 pages long, and it proved to be a rather fun exercise.... I thoroughly enjoyed sitting down, pondering the facts of the case, considering the applicable case rulings and stautory laws, and writing up an analysis and proposal course of action for the church to take. It really interesting and fun.

And then I remembered that it's very real. And all of a sudden it's not so much fun. Pastors fall all the time. And then all hell breaks loose. People's faith is shattered, hope is broken, disillusionment sets in, and suddenly the church faces a whole myriad of potential legal troubles-- negligence, clergy malpractice, the list goes on....

Why am I blogging about this unpleasant subject? Because I wish that topics such as this were purely hypothetical. I wish that secret sin in church leaders was only a nasty theoretical issue that existed only for discussion purposes. I wish it wasn't real.

An elder at Grace Community fell a few years ago. He was a good friend of my dad's. When my dad asked him what happened, how this happened, his reply was "I just got to busy to read my Bible and pray every day."

So my plea to any potential pastors who happen to stumble on this blog: stay pure. Stay strong. Too much rides on your shoulders.

This is the verse I used to open my paper-- I hope it strikes a chord in you the way it does in me:

Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.
--1 Corinthians 10:12

I'm too tired to think of a catchy title....

2006-11-15T03:28:00.000-08:00

So I haven't posted in a while. The reason is that I am probably the most swamped with things to do that I've ever been in my entire life. Not kidding.

Right now I'm drinking Starbucks roast in a Peet's Coffee mug.... and the thought struck me: wouldn't this be considered as some sort of abomination by both the Starbucks fanatics and the Peet's fanatics? I know that if my cousin Dave knew I was drinking Starbucks roast, he'd call that an abomination in and of itself. But hey, I got the pound of coffee for free; beggars can't be choosers.

There've been a lot of things I've wanted to post about. I've noticed a rising trend around TMC... I call it "the edgy Christian." I'm talking about the Christian who takes controversial standpoints and makes it known that they take controversial standpoints and takes some sort of superior-minded pride in the fact that they know that they rub others the wrong way. They are twistedly proud of their personal level of enlightenment over other simple, suburbian Christians. This is the kind of Christian who shoves it in your face that they are a democrat and proud of it (not that I'm saying Christians have to be Republicans-- I would never say that-- I'm just illustrating a point). This is the kind of Christian who cusses and watches disgusting things and listens to profane music all in the name of being in touch with "the culture". This is the Christian who calls disturbing and vile things "art" and calls anyone who holds to traditional values "simple-minded" and "legalistic". This is the edgy Christian; and I believe that he is profoundly sinful in a way that would make Christ want to spit him out of His mouth. But more on this later.

My brother's High School Football team lost in first-round playoffs in an unpredicted upset last Friday night. He was the Senior Captain, and just like that, poof, this chapter of his life that monopolized so much of his time was over in a few mere hours. If you've played High School sports, especially if you played a sport you loved for four straight years or longer, you know the feeling I'm talking about-- the feeling after your last game. It's gut-wrenching. It's a sharp continual stab and a dull empty ache all at the same time. I felt my own three-year-old wounds re-open Friday night as I sat with my brother and watched the tears fall silently down his face. It hurts when it's over. But life moves on. The sun still rises. And best of all, God is still a good God who is in control. There are things bigger than us. There are still jobs to be done for the Kingdom. Life still has purpose beyond high school sports. It's like that line in "Jesus I My Cross Have Taken": Joy to find in every station, something still to do or bear. Mikey will learn in time that God has bigger plans for him than winning a high school football championship. He's already learning that. I'm honestly very proud of my little brother. Maybe more on this later.

Dr. MacArthur preached in chapel on Monday, and he brought it. My good friend Ben Blakey did a more masterful analysis of the message than I could do, so go read his blog. But one thing that stuck with me that MacArthur said was that "you only get one shot at a life of integrity... once you blow it, you're disqualified for good." This struck a chord deep inside. As I was thinking about this statement, I began to think about this present semester, and I adapted MacArthur's principle to the current situation: you only get one shot at living Fall '06 to the best of your ability... don't blow it. I've been trying to keep this ever-present in my mind for a the last few days.

Three of my closest friends are leaving next semester for different locations... in a way, you might say they're leaving "for good," though in most interpretations of that phrase, that would be an overstatement. But the way it looks like it's shaping up to be, I'll never be in school with any of them ever again. And to be honest, it's really sad. These three are guys who've done so much in my life to help me love the Lord more. They are three dear brothers who will be missed greatly. I really don't know what to do except trust God and hold on to Him. I guess it's all I can do.

There's way more I could talk about, but I have to do some more homework and then go to bed. Hopefully, I'll resurface in the blogosphere soon... this edgy Christian thing really fries my hotcakes, if you know what I mean.

Observation of the Day, Part Deuce......

2006-11-01T14:12:00.000-08:00

Suddenly it's not so much fun when your test is handed back and you've got your lowest score ever because you missed the entire point of the last essay question......

I guess it's just another example of how we make our choices, take the consequences, and life goes on.......

Observation of the Day.....

2006-10-30T16:34:00.000-08:00

Somehow, with about 6 pieces of buttered toast and 2 whole pots of coffee under your belt, and with dramatic bagpipe music playing as you march off to certain doom, going to take a midterm you're not prepared for can actually be kinda fun.

More than Useless.....

2006-10-27T15:44:00.000-07:00

I have a sign above my bed in my dorm room that says "Coffee: you can sleep when you're dead!". While it's funny, it's actually not a good motto.

I didn't get much sleep last night, and consequently, I spent most of today in a very self-centered mindset. And I'm pretty sure I wasn't effective for the Kingdom. And I'm pretty sure I took comments more personally than I should have and I was probably ruder than I should have been.

All because I didn't get sleep.

It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.

--Psalm 127:2

I saved this one for a rainy day....

2006-10-18T15:46:00.000-07:00

A few people have commented that I haven't posted too much over the past few months. Incidentally, a few people have recently asked me what books I enjoy reading and am currently reading. Fortunately for all you lucky people, this post should help rectify both these situations:

So I’ve been meaning to this book survey for a while… not that any of you care what books I read, but I did this more for myself… I’d like a bird’s-eye survey of what books have influenced me. Maybe it might help explain why I’m the whacked-out weirdo I am. Enjoy. (By the way, I know it says “one book…”, but come on, who can answer with just one book?)

1. One book that changed your life: Ooo… there's a few: The Cross-Centered Life by C.J. Mahaney (it helped me identify my sinful tendencies of subjectivism), The Minister as Shepherd by Charles Jefferson (it helped me realize that I am not meant to be a pastor by any means), The Book on Leadership by John MacArthur (it showed me I’ve got a lot to learn about being a leader), and Don’t Waste Your Life by John Piper (it helped me put what I’m doing in the perspective of Eternity—I’m going to stand before God and give an account for what I’ve done with my life).

2. One book that you’ve read more than once: I’ve read many books more than once, because I’ve found that I get much more out of them the second time around, but a couple I’ve re-read recently would be Til We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis, Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan, Dracula by Bram Stoker, and Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury.

3. One book you’d want on a desert island: Umm… the nature of this question implies that I can only have one book on said island, and that being the case, the answer would of course be the Bible (and if I had to narrow it down to one specific book, I would say the Gospel of John… and Ecclesiastes). If you’re not satisfied with that bland, predictably Christian answer, I’d also say The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis… and then maybe Humility: True Greatness by C.J. Mahaney. And I definitely would want Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad and Lord of the Flies by William Golding with me to remind me to maintain my human dignity.

4. One book that made you laugh: Bleachers by John Grisham, The Princess Bride by William Goldman (the movie’s great, but the book’s better by far), My Life as an Afterthought Astronaut by Bill Meyers, and every single Calvin and Hobbes book.

5. One book that made you cry: Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck, Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls, When I don’t Desire God by John Piper, To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee, The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros, and I will admit that I cried just a little at the end of Harry Potter book 6, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling (who expected that ending… I mean really expected it?!? Wow!).

6. One book you wish had been written: An ESV Translation of The MacArthur Study Bible and My Personal Statement of Faith and Beliefs by Bob Dylan.

7. One book you wish had never been written: Great Expectations by Charles Dickens and Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. Both of these make me gag. Also, Animal Farm by George Orwell annoys me more and more every time I re-read it.

8. One book you’re currently reading: I’m kinda reading a bunch right now… a few I’m reading for school would include American Constitutional Law: The Structure of Government, Volume 1 by Ralph A. Rossum, The Republic by Plato, and Yesterday, Today, and Forever: the Continuing Relevance of the Old Testament by Larry R. Helyer; for devotions I’m reading the books of Isaiah and Romans; and for my own personal enrichment, I’m reading Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God by C.J. Mahaney and Macbeth by William Shakespeare.

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read: The Weight of Glory by C.S. Lewis, God is the Gospel by John Piper, King Lear by William Shakespeare, and The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger.

Ok, your turn. You do the book survey.

Dinkin' Flicka

2006-10-12T19:56:00.000-07:00

So I skipped Bible Study tonight for the specific reason of doing homework. You've got to understand, I LOVE my bible study-- it wasn't easy to skip. But I have so much homework! Subsequently, I feel kind guilty that I am taking a break to blog, but I want to say a couple things:

First, when did Java N' Jazz get so.... crappy? This place used to be one of my favorite place to go and study... then last year, I hung out with a bunch of people who like to study at Starbucks or Panera.... now that I realize that I am one who should not, under any circumstances, go do homework in groups ('cuz I can't resist talking)... so I'm back to studying by myself, which is fine, but I thought I'd try out Java N' Jazz again.... and well, it sucks. The atmosphere is gone, the quality of the coffee and pastries have gone way down, and every table, floor, and counter has a distinct and unnerving amount of stickiness to it. All I would like to see is a little hole-in-the-wall coffee shop in which I can do homework into the wee hours of the night.... anybody out there got any suggestions (don't say Starbucks).

Secondly, here are the lyrics to a song I really, really like:

"Mirrors and Smoke" by Jars of Clay, from their album "Good Monsters"

I'm feeling older than my years
I'm feeling pain inside my chest
It's love that keeps me silent
It's my silence that you detest
Rivers flow into the oceans
And oceans never fill
I want to kiss your lips, but I know I never will

Love's a hard decision to risk impending choke
But love will keep you wishing
And my heart will keep me broke

I blew flowers, gave you candy to even out the guilt
I sent you greeting cards with messages that I could never write
Rivers flow into the oceans
And oceans never fill
I want to let you know me
But I know I never will

Love's a contradiction
Many mirrors and smoke
Love will keep you wishing
My heart will keep me broke

You will always want me
And I'll always want to leave
Even though I cut your wounds
You still deny they're real
Rivers flow into the ocean
Oceans never fill
I want to lay my life down
But I know you never will

Love's a strange condition
With all the doubts it can invoke
Your love keeps me wishing
And my heart keeps me broke

Baby, don't you cry, 'cause I got it all figured out
You always make me sad
But that's what true love is all about
Rivers never fill the oceans
But oceans always feel
The waters reaching deep inside them
I guess they always will

Love's a constant mission to a world you never spoke
Love, it keeps you wishing
My heart, it keeps me broke...

Third, here is a quote from Macbeth (my favorite Shakespearean play) that describes how I feel about my homework:

"If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well
It were done quickly..."

--Macbeth, Act 1, Scene 7, lines 1-2

The Arche

2006-10-10T02:20:00.000-07:00

Funny how the Lord breaks us, isn't it?

I wept tonight for people. My heart broke for a dozen kids lying in a hospital in Sun Valley... near-comatose kids each under a slow death sentence. I got to spend almost four hours with them yesterday, holding their hands, singing to them and reading to them. It broke again for a friend who's been hurt-- bad. It broke again for someone who doesn't know they're living wrong; and I'm absolutely dumbfounded as how to help them.

Most of all, I broke because I realize how much I don't love God.

The things that seem so important just fade away next to the truly deep things.

Someday, God's going to make all things new. The lion will lie down with the lamb. We will see Jesus as He is. Until then, my heart aches for those around me.

All I once held dear, built my life upon;
all this world reveres and wars to own-
what I once thought gain, I have counted lost
spent and worthless now compared to this:

Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You-
there is no greater thing!
You're my all, You're my rest,
You're my joy, my righteousness
And I love You, Lord.

"Go, go where you are, anchor your roots underneath; doubt your own doubts, and believe your beliefs."

2006-09-20T01:37:00.000-07:00

You have a responsibility to be wherever you're at. It is sin to wish you were somewhere else. Let me tell you something Stuart Scott said to our Methods of Biblical Change class freshman year: when you fantasize and daydream about how your life can be better, you are questioning God's sovereignty, purpose, and goodness in your life; and you are trying to be God in your own little twisted way by setting up your own ideal world in which YOU are sovereign, not God. It's just plain sin.

Sounds harsh, huh? You don't like to hear that your daydreams and fantasies of how life could be so much better if only this or that would happen are sin, right?

But think about it. It's biblical. We are called to be content in all things, like Paul; whether in a prison cell or under house arrest or being stoned and shunned and shipwrecked and slandered all while carrying the Gospel to a lost world.

If you asked me what one text has radically and primarily shaped my thinking, I will truthfully tell you the Word of God. But, that's not to say that certain other things I've picked up along the way haven't stuck with me.

The first quote I'm about to tell you will fully remove any doubt in your mind of what a giant nerd I am. It's from Lord of the Rings: the Fellowship of the Ring-- the movie, not the book. Although, I have read the book (actually all the books, and actually I've read them multiple times each), I like the way the movie conveys this specific scene better. The fellowship is trying to make its way through the dark and abandoned caves of the Dwarf city of Moria (which always reminds me of the Mountain in which Abraham was sent to sacrifice Isaac in Gen. 22-- Moriah) and Gandalf has paused to try and figure out which way to take. He is sitting next to Frodo and they are discussing the burden of carrying the One Ring and all the trouble that has come and will come with the quest. Frodo says, "I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish that any of this had never happened." Gandalf kindly and wisely replies, "So do all who live to see such times, but that is not theirs to decide. All you must do is decide what to do with the time given you."

The next quote is a proverb held among the puritans that I recite to myself on a near-daily basis: "See to your duties, and let God handle the rest."

You have a responsibility to see to your duties, to decide what to do with the time given you, to be where you are 100%. To do any less is to waste what you've been given, to be faithless, to dishonor your Creator. He's given you this life; He's totally constructed the circumstances you're in right now-- glorify Him with your life. Whether you're in mourning, or you're stressed, or you're stoked, or you're hurting, or you're thrilled, or whatever, glorify God where you're at.

Maddie

2006-09-14T07:43:00.001-07:00

Around 4:00 yesterday afternoon I got a phone call from my crying mom who told me that my dog whom I've had since 2nd grade had to be put to sleep.

I went home around 9:30 later that evening. I knew she wouldn't be there, but it still hurt when I opened the door and she wasn't there barking to greet me.

But even in the midst of all this, I can still see the gracious and loving hand of God. He kept me super busy yesterday, what with Executive Council stuff and Babysitting; too busy to dwell on my dog. He also sent several very kind people who went out of their way to check up on me.

Though the fig tree should not blossom,
and there be no fruit on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive should fail,
and the fields produce no food,
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold
and there be no cattle in the stalls,
Yet I will exult in the Lord,
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds' feet,
and makes me walk on my high places.

--Habakkuk 3:17-19

"This life was not intended to be the place of our perfection, but the preparation for it." --- Richard Baxter

2006-09-08T23:07:00.000-07:00

So the last couple of days have been very interesting. On Tuesday, Jars of Clay's newest album, Good Monsters, came out; and as a die-hard Jars fan, I made sure I was at Best Buy as soon as I could to pick up my own copy. This seriously is one of their best albums ever. The best way I can describe it is as a compilation of the best elements of almost all their previous albums. Not to mention, the lyrics, for the most part, are actually christian, which sadly is something you don't find in most "christian" artists today. True, not all the songs are christian, but to be honest, some of the "love" songs actually rock hard core, and there's even one song about social justice in Africa that really struck a chord with me. If you're looking for something new to listen to, buy this cd. You won't be disappointed.

For those of you who haven't yet heard the infamous story, I totally made a fool of myself walking from North Campus to Lunch on Wednesday. I won't post the whole thing on the internet (something about "incriminating evidence"), but I'll go so far as to say that the story involves a freshman girl I had never met (and now probably will never meet), the word "awesome", and me putting my foot in my mouth most heinously.

Then came yesterday in Western Political Philosophy 1 when, barely even 5 minutes into the class, I squeezed too hard on my coffee cup from the student center and proceeded to spill the contents all over my notes, my copy of Plato's Republic, and of course, my lap. My good buddy Ben Blakey saw the whole thing and just laughed at me; I'm surprised he hasn't blogged about it yet. Dr. Frazer just stared at me in all of my klutzy glory for about 3 seconds, and then continued on participating in our debate about the (absolutely ridiculous) idea of creating co-ed intramural flag football at TMC.

Then, last night, Generations started back up. I'm not sure I can really convey how excited I was for this. I go to a rather large church, and to be honest, I find the expression of the local church (discipleship, fellowship, admontion, friendship, relationships) in my Bible Study of approximately 60 people. I had the privilege of leading worship with Ben Blakey and Mary Buck, two guitarists whose skills put me to shame, but it was wonderful to be back with the believers I consider family. On a different note (no pun intended), I got Martin strings put on my guitar, and it sounds incredible. But please, let me just take this opportunity to put a plug in for the local church-- if you're not involved in a smaller group of believers who hold you accountable, pray for you, and provide areas for you to serve, get plugged in. Growth happens in community.

So the last couple of days have been very interesting. But by far was what happened today: I went to the LA county fair. Now trust me, I would not normally spend a Friday afternoon all the way in Pamona, but my mom loves to go to look at the crafts and things for sale, and this year neither my dad nor my brother could afford to go; so guess whose lot it fell to accompany my dear mother to the fair? Yep, yours truly. It was actually very cool, except for the fact that it was ridiculously crowded. And another thing: most of today's fair attenders appeared to hail from a specific demographic.... I'll let you guess which one (here's a hint: NASCAR and beer cans). Also, there was some of the most disgusting foods on the face of the earth at the fair. You had all kinds of delicacies, ranging from Deep-Fried Twinkies (which my good friend Pete Bargas would enjoy, I daresay) to Krispy Kreme Chicken Sandwiches (I kid you not, it was a slab of chicken stuck between two Krispy Kreme donut-buns) to Smoked Pork Butts (I'll leave you to your imagination on that one; but what really took the cake (and by "cake", I mean "heart attack") were the bacon-wrapped hot dogs. Yes, you hear correctly, the bacon-wrapped hot dogs. This is either someone's idea of a death wish or the Atkins Diet gone horribly, horribly wrong.

Oh, and to top it off, I got asked to Fall Thing in the coolest possible way ever. Girls, take a lesson from this: she sent me a Starbucks Gift card with a note inside asking me to Fall Thing. You can't beat that; you just can't.

So, this pretty much looks like a somewhat humorous, albeit drawn-out, journal entry of my past week. And perhaps it is. But I would be amiss to not give the credit to God. A lot of cool things happened this week. A lot of weird things happened. A lot of bad things happened, too. Not once, not once did God stop being in control. When I spilled coffee all over my notes and books and lap, God wasn't up in Heaven going "oops, look at what that idiot Steve Crawford just did;" He was teaching me something in the process (namely, not to take my self-image too seriously). When I was encouraged beyond belief by Dolores Michaelson and Tommy Myrick at Generations, God was behind that, too. And I honestly believe that my loathing of the bacon dogs was a God-given reaction as well, because it is through His sanctifying work in my life that I have come to learn to shun things which are evil.

So if it hasn't been your day, or week, or month, or even your year ("I'll be there for you"), remember that God is still in control. Seriously. Nothing surprises Him. Everything happens for a reason. It's just up to us to respond Biblically and learn what we can learn and seek utmost to glorify God in our reactions.

Let me leave you with a passage that has relatively little to do with everything I have written in this post. This particular portion of Scripture has weighed heavily on my thoughts and I am attempting to make it the theme passage of how I conduct myself this school year (and prayerfully the rest of my life). May you benefit from it as well:

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us to His own glory and excellence, by which He has granted to us His precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall.

-- 2 Peter 1:3-10

Not Dark Yet

2006-09-02T01:27:00.000-07:00

So I just used my lounge key for the first time as an upperclassmen and it is a glorious feeling. I hated curfew with a passion for the first two years of my college experience. Don't get me wrong, I feel that curfew is necessary in many cases and it's not like all I wanted to do was to go out and party, but I am very glad that I don't have to sign in anymore.

I really should go to bed, but I am drinking a very tasty (I tried to search my mental thesaurus for a better adjective than "tasty", but alas, I am too tired) vanilla latte, so I think I'll blog.

This past week was the first week of classes; although it was busy, it wasn't nearly as crazy or as taxing on me than was WOW. All the same, I find myself once again committed to so many things that I feel stretched in about almost every direction. The thing is, I've looked at what I'm involved in, and I can't really cut anything.... in fact, what I could cut has already been cut.

I just decided that right now I'm going to count my blessings:

I have eternal Salvation in Christ Jesus, my great High Priest who can empathize with every single one of my weaknesses and yet has passed through death to bring me life.
I have a loving family, that not only cares for me, but provides me with plenty of opportunities for sanctification ;-).
I get paid for doing administrative work and event planning and a little counseling (and eventually mentoring about 15 freshmen)-- HOW COOL IS THAT?!?
I get paid for driving a car for two hours on Tuesday-Thursday mornings (but since barely anyone rides those mornings, I actually get paid to read my bible in the caf).
I have an awesome roommate who is a consistant example of humility and genuine care and compassion.
I have great friends who truly care.
Starbucks has recently brought back the best seasonal flavor ever-- PUMPKIN SPICE! I've had two pumpkin spice lattes this past week already.
I seriously love every single one of my classes: Old Testament 1, Astronomy Lab, Christian Political Thought, Western Political Thought 1, Intro to Constitutional Law, and The Church as a Legal Institution.
God has made it more clear regarding what I am to do with my life: Law School.
I go to a wonderful college.
I am blessed to be involved in an amazing church.
It's football season.
My brother is growing leaps and bounds in his spiritual walk and general maturity.
Coffee exists.
I got a free CJ Mahaney book today.

Wow. This isn't meant to be a self-centered blog; I don't really know how to say it, but perhaps you could rejoice with me as I rejoice. It's so easy to complain and focus on the bad things that are going on. But when I look at my wretchedness as exemplified in the sins I commit so much every day and then I look at the goodness of God as exemplified in the countless blessings I don't deserve, I am rendered with nothing to say except praises for God.

Hast thou not seen how all thy longings have been granted in what He ordaineth?

I'm really tired, so I'm going to bed.

"Ask me for what I am living or what gives me strength that I'm willing to die for..."

2006-08-22T22:20:00.000-07:00

I read this passage today:

For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that One has died for all, therefore all have died; and He died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for Him who for their sake died and was raised. From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard Him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to Himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made Him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.

-- 2 Corinthians 5:14-21

I heard this song today:

Life and love and why
Child, adult, then die
All of your hoping
And all of your searching
For what?

Ask me for what am I living
Or what gives me strength
That I'm willing to die for

Take away from me
This monstrosity
'Cause my futile thinking's
Not gonna solve nothing tonight

Ask me for what am I living
Or what gives me strength
That I'm willing to die for

Could it be this?
Could this be bliss?
Could it be all that I ever had missed?
Could it be true?
Can life be new?
And can I be used?
Can I be used?

Give me a reason
For life and for death
A reason for drowning
While I hold my breath
Something to laugh at
A reason to cry
With everyone hopeless
And hoping for something to hope for
Yeah, with something to hope for

Could it be true?
Can life be new?
Could it be all that I am is in You?
Could it be this?
Could it be bliss?
Can it be You?
Can it be You?

--"Life and Love and Why" by Switchfoot

I thought they went strikingly well together.

Our lives have purpose. A purpose that exceeds ourselves; that transcends ourselves.

Our purpose is God.

With that in mind, I can face anything this life has to throw at me.

You can too.

Goodnight.

The Long Day Is Over.....

2006-08-19T22:41:00.000-07:00

WOW Saturday was today. Oh my gosh. It was insane. I am so tired right now, it's not even funny.

God is awesome. Seriously. He gave me so much grace today.

A scab is a truly marvelous thing. I have a rather large one on my knee right now. Amazing. It honestly is a testament to God's ingenuity.

Ok, I'm exhausted, so I'm going to bed.

Close but no cigar, Plato...

2006-08-09T20:16:00.000-07:00

One of the most comforting thoughts that has ever occured to me is that this is not all there is. Imagine if it was. Imagine if you were born, lived, and died, and that was it. Oblivion. This world is as good as it would get.

Now that's depressing.

Plato (pictured to the right) believed that there was a world beyond this one, a "world of ideas" from which everything stems. More than that, everything in this world is a shadow, a corrupted reflection of the true thing that exists in the world of ideas. A tree in this world is merely a shadow of the "idea tree" in the world of ideas. A horse in this world is merely a corrupted reflection of the "idea horse" in the world of ideas. According to Plato, the things that populate the world of ideas are perfect, immutable, and eternal. Death reunites us with the world of ideas.

How close!!! Augustine once commented that if Plato had lived in Christian times, he would have been a believer. Everything in this world does indeed stem from a source that is Eternal, Immutable, and Perfect. Everything in this world is indeed a corrupted form of what it was originally intended to be.

But the truth differs from Plato's theory in a few instances. The biggest difference is one worth noting. In Plato's theory, there is only one realm outside this existence. However, in reality, there are two destinations potentially laid out for our souls. I said at the beggining of this blog that "this world is as good as it gets" (under the presumption that there is nothing outside of this life)-- how false a statement!! Heaven's joys are unfathomable. However, that's not to say that this world is as bad as it could get, either. Hell's horrors are unspeakable.

The path to the joys of the afterlife lay not in philosophy, or being a virtuous citizen. The only way is through Jesus Christ. There is nothing else. Peter responded correctly to Jesus inquiry as to whether the disciples would leave Him-- he said "Lord, to whom else shall we go? You have the words of life. And we believed, and have come to know that You are the Christ, the Son of the living God."

The good news is that this world is not all there is. The better news is that Christ offers you a life better than this one.

Glory Days....

2006-08-05T13:52:00.000-07:00

There are only a few things that strike a chord of dread in my soul-- things that cause my stomach to knot up and my throat to run dry and a cold sweat to breakout on my forehead. One is helicopter blades or pretty much any large propeller of any kind. Those things scare the ever-loving crap out of me. Another thing that still makes my blood run cold is the word August.

Why August? Is it the heat? Nah. Is it the fact that school is starting shortly and summer's over? Nope. I'll tell you why August freaks me out-- Hell Week. No other event, no other reason can cause me to work harder or lose more weight than Hell Week did. It wasn't to impress girls, or for my own personal health, that I would sometimes shed 15 pounds in pre-season training-- it was for survival. Hell Week isn't called Hell Week because it's fun.

But the torture was worth it. The sweating, the bleeding, the sprains, and of course, the constant vommitting; it was all worth it. Especially your senior year. All that practice and training paid off on game night. And later. Walking to class on Monday morning, after you led your team to victory the previous weekend, wearing your varsity letterman jacket, having all the younger kids look at you and all the girls say hi, it was worth it. At least in a fleshly, gratifying, pride-filled sense.

But at most, a season can last 13 weeks. That's if you go all the way to the championship game, like my team did my Senior year. Then all of a sudden, it's gone, and you're just some high school punk. And it's Basketball Season (shudder).

I found myself really missing my football days yesterday, so I picked up a really good book I like. It's called Bleachers and it's by John Grisham. It's about a former High School football star going back to his hometown 15 years after he graduated and reliving his former glory days with his old buddies. I found a great quote in their that I thought would be appropriate for how I'm feeling right now:

"You count the years until you get a varsity jersey, then you're a hero, an idol, a cocky b*$t*&d because in this town you can do no wrong. You win and win and you're the king of your own little world, then poof, it's gone. You play your last game and everybody cries. You can't believe it's over. Then another team comes right behind you and you're forgotten."

How true. It reminded me of something else I've been dwelling on:

For there is no lasting remembrance of the wise man as with the fool, inasmuch as in the coming days all will be forgotten... When there is a man who has labored with wisdom, knowledge and skill, then he gives his legacy to one who has not labored with them. This too is vanity and a great evil.
-- Ecclesiastes 2: 16, 21

All this thinking about the now-faded "glory days" has got me thinking about yet another thing, something I read in an awesome Piper book:

Only one life, will soon be past;
Only what's done for Christ will last.

Football was great. I miss it a lot, especially this time of year. But it's fleeting. It's over. There's more to life that High School football. And what's more, as Christians, we are to focus on the now, the present, and how we can glorify God with the time we have, not the time that has slipped away. To dwell longingly on the days when I was Captain and a starter and All-State is foolishness (to quote my good friend Hugh Jackson). My focus is to serve Christ now. It has to be. All other ground is sinking sand.

(In case you're wondering, the pics above are taken my Senior year. I was about 180 pounds but could bench 70 pounds over my body weight. Any of you who know me now know that that's definitely not the case now ;-). The photo of me and my brother was taken right after we beat our rivals in a comeback victory and in doing so, won the all-leage title. It was great.)

Not Ready

2006-07-28T00:25:00.000-07:00

You know that scene in the movie Signs, when Mel Gibson and Joaquin Phoenix and the Home Alone kid's brother and that cute little girl are all in the basement and the aliens are trying to break in and Mel Gibson is bracing himself against the door and holding tight to the door handle and he says "I'm not ready."?

That's exactly how I feel right now. The schoolyear is coming up and I'm not ready. I didn't get all the work done I wanted to get done. I didn't get all the reading done I wanted to get done. I didn't work out as much as I would have liked to. I'm not ready.

But whether I'm ready or not, the schoolyear will come, and I've got to take it as it comes. But I'm not ready.

Fortunately for me, God gives grace. Sufficient enough grace to face anything that may come my way. Hallelujah to the God who sustains!

By the way, speaking of Shyamalan movies, I saw Lady in the Water with my brother the other night. Now, I absolutely love most Shyamalan movies, but this one was a little far-fetched. And by a little far-fetched, I mean I was confused THE ENTIRE TIME, and that usually doesn't happen to me. So yeah, I would say wait until I buy it on dvd and then we can watch it and you can save your money. Sounds good? Good.

itunes > Music Store > Celebrity Playlists > Studs of TMC > Steve Crawford's Playlist

2006-07-25T12:57:00.000-07:00

So I was just killing time, looking at celebrity playlists on itunes the other day, and I was thinking, wouldn't it be cool if I had my own celebrity playlist (as if having a blog wasn't egotistic enough)? So last night, I used some of the itunes music store gift cards I got for my birthday and I bought about 20 or so songs that I have always liked but have never had in my music library. I figured that this is about as good a celebrity playlist there is, so I'll share it with you (for lack of a better way of figuring out what the best order to put them in would be, I've put them in order from when I first heard them):

Track No.#1: "Runaround Sue" by Dion-- Growing up, all we would listen to in the car were oldies. And whenever this one would come on, Dad would try to teach my brother and I an object lesson, using the title character of this song to illustrate the adulterous woman of Proverbs 7-- and why we should stay away from such girls. Well, in a way, I guess it's worked. I'm 20 and my brother's 17 and neither of us have had a girlfriend; or much luck with girls, period. Thank you, Runaround Sue.

Track No.#2: "Brown Eyed Girl" by Van Morrison-- First of all, people with brown eyes get a bum rap, compared to people with green or (gasp) blue eyes. Second of all, this song has one of the most fun guitar riffs ever (which I happened to have recently taught myself on the guitar). Third, this song just rocks, period.

Track No.#3: "Do You Believe in Magic" by The Lovin' Spoonful-- This is yet another classic oldie that I grew up listening to. It also is just a fun, kick-back, relaxing song. No, I do not believe in magic. Yes, I read the Harry Potter novels. Sue me.

Track No.#4: "Monster Mash" by Bobby "Boris" Pickett-- Ok, ok; I know, I know. This holiday diddy is cheesy at best. But if you know me, you know that I absolutely LOVE old-time black-and-white horror flicks from the 30's, 40's, and 50's, and any song that mentions my heroes Dracula and the Wolf-Man is a great song in my book.

Track No.#5: "The Way" by Fastball-- Our first non-oldie of the mix, "The Way" was a hit song back when I was in 6th grade; it was on Radio Disney all the time. Don't get on my case 'cuz I listened to Radio Disney- that and K-EARTH 101 (the local Oldies station) were all I was allowed to listen to. Besides the whole nostalgia factor, I also like this song because of some of the questions it raises regarding issues such as responsibility, adulthood, and the path of life.

Track No.#6: "Love Train" by The O'Jays-- I first heard this song on a "Best of the 70's" mix back in 9th grade and I thought it was really cool. Now it's the theme song for all those Coors Beer commercials when a freezing train made up of beer cans comes rushing past a bunch of people who are sweating profusely in order to bring them the cool refreshment of intoxicating alcohol. GAG. At least the song is still cool.

Track No.#7: "Follow You Down" by The Gin Blossoms-- I liked this song from the first time I heard it. You may recall that it was the song played in the climax of "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days", when Matthew McConaughey is riding on his motorcycle to prevent Kate Hudson from leaving New York because he realizes he loves her despite the fact that she totally played him like an old fiddle. But that's not why I like this song. I like the song because of it's use of the Harmonica. Putting a harmonica in a rock n' roll song can either sound really good or really lame, and here the Gin Blossoms pulled it off. But as I learn more about the role of the man and the woman in a biblical, God-honoring relationship, I realize that this song isn't biblically accurate. Bummer.

Track No.#8: “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” by The Proclaimers—First of all, the coolness factor of this song is exponentially multiplied by the fact that the guys singing are SCOTTISH (I’m part Scottish, in case you didn’t know). Secondly, it is my firm conviction that this is one of the best work-out songs EVER. I’m not kidding. Whenever this song comes on my ipod while I’m lifting or running, I lift harder and run faster. I think it has something to do with the line “when I’m workin’, I’ll be workin’ hard fer you.” Yeah, I think that’s it.

Track No.#9: “99 Red Balloons” (edited version) by Goldfinger—This song is about a boy and a girl who buy 99 red balloons, blow them up, let them go, and inadvertently bring about worldwide nuclear destruction. This is one of the most driving hard core rock songs I like, and it was an all-time favorite when it came time to psych myself up to KILL KILL KILL on the football field back in my glory days on the high school gridiron. Also, one of the verses is sung in German, and I’m a big fan of that because the part of me that’s not Scottish or Irish is German (to quote Michael Scott, I’m a veritable United Nations—two-fifteenths Native American Indian).

Track No.#10: “Walking on the Sun” (edited version) by Smash Mouth—I love to sing—anytime, anywhere. But that’s not the case with my brother. However, this song is the only song that I’ve ever seen him just bust out while we’re driving in the car. It’s catchy, despite it’s semi-liberal message. Ugh. Liberal.

Track No.#11: “Sweet Tequila Blues” by Carrie Rodriguez & Chip Taylor—Ok, this is how country music should sound. I absolutely LOVE this song. I hope one day I’m good enough on guitar to bust this one out; it rocks. Besides the incredible vocal harmony, this song features a couple of great fiddle solos. For those of you who say you “hate” country, you got to at least try this one out. It’s great.

Track No.#12: “Accidentally in Love” by Counting Crows-- This song came out right at the end of my senior year of high school; you might remember it as the main song from the Shrek 2 soundtrack. Anyway, it is a hard core song, and I remember that the music video was pretty good, what with the dancing rabbit and that guy trying to make breakfast but failing miserably.

Track No.#13: “A Long December” by Counting Crows—Alright, I know what you’re thinking—it was most definitely not my goal to have two songs by the same artist and most definitely I did not want to have them right next to each other. But that’s how it worked out in the whole chronological thing. My roommate freshman year loved Counting Crows and Dashboard Confessional. For some odd reason, I came to love Counting Crows too, but I utterly despise the whiny punks of Dashboard. Anyway, this song is so legit, I had to include it, even though I already had another Crows song (but give me some credit; I was tempted to add “Mr. Jones”, but I thought that’d be a little much).

Track No.#14: “The Distance” (edited version) by Cake—I heard this song last summer while riding around the beautiful SCV with my boss Pete and I got it stuck in my head for most of the summer. I think it had something to do with the monotone voice of the singer, the steady driving bass line, and the intermittent staccato trumpets (which, as a fan of ska, I might add is a nice touch). Anyway, this was the Summer ’05 Pete Bargas’ Car song.

Track No.#15: “Beyond the Sea” by Bobby Darin—I have none other than Joseph Paul Keller to thank for making me a fan of this song; I heard it on his itunes last summer while working in King Hall. It is my tribute to the Frank Sinatra genre of music, which I enjoy, but not nearly as much as some of my friends do. Too bad that this was basically Bobby Darin’s only real hit—he will forever go down in musical history as one of the first “one-hit wonders”.

Track No.#16: “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” by Deep Blue Something—The first time I ever heard this song was actually on VH1’s worst-song-ever countdown, and as I was listening to these actors (notice how they don’t get musicians to critique the songs, they have actors and comedians who are so puffed up with their supposed pop-culture knowledge they’re about ready to explode give their own two cents on the songs) go on and on how this song is horrible, and while I would agree, that you shouldn’t really stay in a relationship just because the only thing you have in common is the fact that you like a certain movie, the song is really fun to listen to. Also, it’s got some great guitar solos. And by the way, I’ve never seen Breakfast at Tiffany’s and I don’t really plan to.

Track No.#17: “100 Years” by Five For Fighting—Despite the fact that this song was played to death in all those Chase Credit Card commercials, I really like it because of it’s focus on the brevity of life, which, in case you haven’t figured out by the title of my blog, is a huge theme for me. Life is short, even if you live to be one hundred years old. What Five For Fighting misses, however, is that despite life’s brevity, we must live all of it for the glory of our Lord.

Track No.#18: “I Saw the Light” by David Crowder Band—I really wrestled with the idea of putting a David Crowder song in my favorites playlist, seeing how he’s Emergent Church. Also, there’s definitely something wrong with the theology found in the line “I wouldn’t let my dear Savior in” (as if there was anything we could do to deny the Irresistible Grace of Salvation). However, any praise song that has fiddle and banjo and a bunch of people cheering in the background is a hit to me, so I decided to add this one to the list.

Track No.#19: “Mighty is the Power of the Cross” by Chris Tomlin—This song is beautiful, plain and simple. Just beautiful. I first heard while driving to church with three of my best friends last semester. Nothing really refocuses your mind on the Gospel than the message of the Cross and the One who shed His blood so you and I might live.

Track No.#20: “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” by Simple Minds— I’ll come out and say it: 80’s music rocks. I am not ashamed. There’s something about hearing a wailing synthesizer that makes me smile. And this is a classic 80’s song—one of the chart-topping hits of 1985, to be exact. Also, this was the main song featured in one of my all-time top-ten favorite movies, The Breakfast Club. Great movie. Just make sure you watch it edited on TV, ‘cuz there’s a ton of swearing, but overall, it is a fantastic portrayal of how lost people with no hope view life.

Track No.#21: “The General” by Dispatch— If “The Distance” by Cake was the Summer ’05 Pete Bargas’ Car song, then “The General” by Dispatch is the Summer ’06 one. This song is absolutely incredible. The vocals are excellent. The guitar playing is superb. Listening to this song is like drinking a perfect cup of coffee on brisk autumn morning or biting into a warm Krispy Kreme donut fresh off the conveyor belt. But more than the acoustic features of this song, I really enjoy the questions it raises: “are all wars just?”, “is duty relative?”, “who really has the authority to forgive?” This is song is amazing; listen to it.

Track No.#22: “Blowin’ In the Wind” by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes— In case you couldn’t tell by the first four songs of the playlist, I love oldies. That’s why I have a special place in my heart for bands like Me First and the Gimme Gimmes who take oldies and re-do them. Often times, I like the re-done version better than the first. This song is a Bob Dylan classic done to punk rock. I know, I know, it’s as great as it sounds. I’m also a HUGE Bob Dylan fan, so this song was perfect for my favorites playlist.

Track No.#23: “All My Tears” by Jars of Clay— I’ve loved Jars of Clay since I went on my first missions trip before my Junior year of High school, and this song follows in the tradition of their best hits such as “Flood” and “This Road”. This is a song you can buy exclusively on itunes music store and it is well worth the 99 cents. They describe it as a modern-day Hymn. I enjoy it’s heaven-centered lyrics and it’s somewhat melancholy tune. It’s also a super-easy song to play on the guitar; I taught it to myself in about twenty minutes. Great song.

Track No.#24: “Sunny Road” by Emiliana Torrini— And so we come to the last song on the playlist, which is interestingly the only song here sung by a female artist. I’m not chauvinistic in my music tastes (or in anything else for that matter), I just have happened to listen to more male artists than female artists. I really enjoy this song, not just because Miss Torrini has such a unique voice, but because of the folky sound the song has. I also like how the song doesn’t musically resolve itself like you think it will. It is a great song to round out my favorite playlist.

And there you have it. My very own celebrity playlist. However, if you have read this whole post up to this point, I do not offer my congratulations. Why on earth would you waste your time reading what amounts to about 4 pages of my music tastes? Go read the Bible. Sheesh.

Ah music. A magic beyond all we do here!

---Albus Dumbledore

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.

---Victor Hugo

Music is a discipline, and a mistress of order and good manners, she makes the people milder and gentler, more moral and more reasonable.

---Martin Luther

"It's so hot.... milk was a bad choice." --Legendary Anchorman Ron Burgundy

2006-07-22T19:01:00.000-07:00

BEFORE YOU READ THIS, GO READ GUNNER'S POST FROM TODAY:

Now that you know the temp out here in Sheol, I mean, Santa Clarita, here's what I did today:

Drove approx. 300 metal stakes into concrete and dug ditches in the garden of an elderly couple in my bible study for 6 hours.

But overall, today was a better day than yesterday.

Jury Duty Strikes Again....

2006-07-21T20:14:00.000-07:00

Today was a pretty bad day.....

But God is gracious.

Go read Gunner's blog; it's so good, it snapped me out of the foul mood I was in.

Something better and more encouraging coming soon, I promise.

I need to blog about this before the excitement fades...

2006-07-15T00:43:00.000-07:00

If you know me, you know that one of the sins that I constantly battle is worrying about where money is going to come from. I go to a school that costs roughly $27,000 a year, and I live in a city in which gas costs about $3.35 a gallon. I have never made more than $7.70 an hour (except for a few under-the-table jobs, and we won't talk about those... I don't want to have to kill you). Needless to say, despite the apparent difference between the amount of money life requires of me to pay and the amount of money I bring home, everything has always been taken care of. Some might credit this to luck (I am one-sixteenth Irish, after all), while some might credit it to hard work (although no one who really knows me would ever credit me with hard work). I know for a fact, however, that the credit goes to Jehovah-Jirah, the God Who Provides.

January 10th and July 10th are days that are stamped onto the consciousness of my brain more than April 15th. January 10th and July 10th are the days that tuition is due for the Spring and Fall semesters, respectively. Fortunately, there is a 10 day grace period, which I have never failed to take advantage of. So, a few weeks before the day we pay the money, the lovely people in Student Accounts send out our bills. This year I owed an amount that is the rough equivalent to 650 No.#1 combos at In-N-Out (for those of you who are a little slow, a No.#1 combo at In-N-Out, including tax, is $5.40). I had no idea how I was gonna pay for the difference. My dad, who is an adjunct faculty member at the college, noticed that we hadn't had the small amount of tuition remission he is entitled to applied to my bill for the last three semesters, and encouraged me to ask around about it. So I talked to the folks in HR and in Student Accounts, filled out some forms, and I expected about maybe a grand to be taken care of.

Imagine my shock today when I discovered that it covered the whole amount I owed. I asked the nice red-headed lady who works in Student Accounts, "are you sure?" "Yes," she said. Absolutely dumbfounded, I asked her to check again. "I'm absolutely sure," was her semi-exasperated reply. Then she said verbatim, "you're debt has been totally paid for-- you don't owe us anything."

I was ecstatic. Completely ecstatic. I began to think, "nothing has ever happened like this to me before!" And then I realized: yes, something like this, only bigger, has happened before. It happened two thousand years ago.... or it happened before the dawn of time... or it happened in 8th grade.... or it happened at all those time. I was saved. My eternal debt, my cosmic debt, my life-debt-- it was paid for by One who hung on a tree.

Amazing how a paid monetary debt could get me stoked and I could almost overlook salvation, huh? I think we take Christ's sacrifice for granted so much that it takes mundane things like tuition to jar us back into reality-- the real reality, the one we can't see.

I hope you don't make the mistake I usually make-- I hope salvation daily slaps you in the face with it's amazingness. I hope the fact that your debt is paid brings you to the point of ecstasy. Becuase Jehovah-Jirah is not just a provider of the food we will eat, or the clothes we will wear. He's the Jehovah-Jirah of Genesis 22-- the God who provided the ram to take Isaac's place as the sacrifice. So often we forget that we were Isaac, but Christ hung on the cross instead.

Last night/earlier this eveing, I heard an awesome (and I do mean awe-inspiring, awe-causing, awe-inducing) message on the sacrificial death of Christ from one of my top-five favorite preachers, Steve Lawson. It was from Isaiah 52:13-53:12, a passage that I've actually memorized. But there was a section in it that I hadn't really paid much attention to before. It's found in ch. 53, vs. 8, which reads:
By oppression and judgment He was taken away;
and as for His generation, who considered
that He was cut off out of the land of the living
for the transgression of my people,
to whom the stroke was due?

I bolded that last second because it hit me like a mac truck tonight. The stroke was due to me. It was due to you. Yet Christ willingly took it. He could've let us been crushed by the weight of the punishment for our sins. He took it. He despised the shame and endured the Cross. And yet, Isaiah's assessment is right-- no one considered the act that He did. Two thousand years later, we still forget too much.

So how did I get from tuition bills to Christ's atonement? Simple. Our debt's been paid. We're in the black, spiritually-speaking. I pray that that amazing, mind-boggling, wonderful truth makes you want to dance and sing and cry and just be content in God. It does me.

Your debt's been paid.

"Thou Lovely Source of True Delight, Whom I unseen adore, unveil Thy beauties to my sight, that I might love Thee more..."

2006-07-13T11:18:00.000-07:00

I was driving home from Java n' Jazz last night (which sadly, I'm convinced, has had its "Jazz" removed), when I crested a hill near my neighborhood and was immediately struck my by the beauty of the moon. It was almost full, and was glowing brilliantly white against a pitch black sky. It was huge, like someone had pulled it closer to the earth. It literally took my breath away. But all I could think was that God's beauty, though I've never seen it, must outshine this. It has to. God, heaven, eternity, is better than any beauty we find on earth. And I began to think, I long for heaven. I long to be free from failings. I long to be with my Savior. I long to be free of doubt, free of sin, free of guilt. I long for heaven.

So, after thinking this on the drive home, it stopped me dead in my tracks to find this quote as I lay reading in bed last night:

There have been times when I think that we do not desire heaven; but more often I find myself wondering whether, in our heart of hearts, we have ever desired anything else.... It is the secret signature of each soul, the incommunicable and unappeasable want, the thing we desired before we met our wives or made our friends, or chose our work, and which we shall still desire on our deathbeds, when the mind no longer knows wife or friend or work.... all your life an unattainable ecstasy has hovered just beyond the grasp of your consciousness. The day is coming when you will wake to find, beyond all hope, that you have attained it.
--C.S. Lewis

After reading this, I couldn't but help to break out in praise. I whipped out my guitar and taught myself "Let Us Love and Sing and Wonder" (Jars of Clay style-- boo yah!) and played it till I couldn't keep my eyes open.

Truly God is great.

Living the Good Life...

2006-07-08T02:10:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This is kind of a cheesy and pretty much recounting-of-personal-experience post; if you're looking for expositional preaching in blog form, don't read this post-- go to Micah's or Gunner's or Miriam's blog.... ok, you've been warned, here goes:

How refreshing the body of Christ is!!! What a blessing is the Church!!! God could have set up Christianity such that once we are saved, we have no need for community or gathering, but to His praise, He chose to create us with a need for fellowship.

I was incredibly depressed after work today. Feeling cut off from God, cut off from people, cut off from pretty much everything, I began to feel the weight and guilt of the mistakes I've made and sins I've committed over the past years. I was so discouraged that I almost didn't go to superstudy down at church tonight... but I knew that I needed to hear the word. I'm so glad I did.

Pastor Jim Pile preached an incredible sermon about submitting completely to Christ's lordship... I was incredibly convicted as areas of sin in my life I hadn't really considered problems were exposed to me. The worship was also great (including my favorite praise song "Amazing Love (I'm Forgiven Because You Were Forsaken)"), but the real encouragement came afterwards, when about 17 of us from Generations went to Claim Jumper for desert. We stayed there almost till midnight, just fellowshipping and enjoying each others' company. It was great. I actually wound up having an extended talk with my shepherd Bob and his wife Teri. I left so encouraged; and all I can say is that God is good all the time.

I was reminded of an Audio Adrenaline song that really describes how my life's going right now. I know it's kinda hokey to quote songs in a blog that's supposed to be biblically exhortational, but this song has really got me thinking (or rather, re-thinking).... maybe it'll stimulate some re-thinking in you. It's called "Good Life".

I've watched my dreams all fade away
And blister in the sun
Everything I've ever had is unraveled and undone
I've set upon a worthless stack
Of my ambitious plans
And the people that I've loved the most
Have turned their backs and ran

This is the good life
I've lost everything
I could ever want
And ever dream of
This is the good life
I found everything
I could ever need
Here in Your arms

Loneliness has left me searching
For someone to love
Poverty has changed my view
Of what true riches are
Sorrow's opened up my eyes
To see what real joy is
Pain has been the catalyst
To my heart's happiness

This is the good life
I've lost everything
I could ever want
And ever dream of
This is the good life
I found everything
I could ever need
Here in Your arms

What good would it be
If you had everything,
But you wouldn't have
The only thing you need?

This is the good life
I've lost everything
I could ever want
And ever dream of
This is the good life
I found everything
I could ever need
Here in Your arms

There's an episode of the incredibly funny satirical TV show "The Office", in which the main character Jim has an incredibly awful day; everything goes horribly wrong (his boss is a jerk and his co-worker Dwight steals a huge sale from him)-- but at the end of the day, in a conference meeting, the receptionist who Jim has a crush on briefly falls asleep with her head accidentally on Jim's shoulder. Jim comments to the camera that it was "overall, not a bad day."

That's kinda what things look like right now. All the little (and some not-so-little) things just seem to be going bad... but at the end of the day, I have Christ. That's really all I need. I'd rather take Him and have everything go wrong than not have Him and have everything go right.

Yep, this is the good life.

Who needs sleeping pills when you can blog?

2006-07-06T00:05:00.000-07:00

Let me just start off by saying that right now I can't sleep, so I'm blogging. Therefore, if this blog is incoherent or rambling or possibly even heretical, please attribute it to the fact that I am significantly drowsy, but not enough to drift off to sleep. My goal is to form a conglomerate of ideas I've had for blogs over the past couple of days, if they make any sense at all.

First, let me tell you about a sort of revelation I had while driving to church early Sunday morning. I was going down pretty early because I'm in training for the in-service security (basically MacArthur's bodyguard). I was driving on the 14 south, where it merges into the 5 south, and I was watching the sun rise over the hills to the West, and it hit me... this is real.

There's a scene in the 1986 cult classic ¡Three Amigos! (one of my all-time favorite movies), starring Martin Short, Chevy Chase, and Steve Martin, in which the three main characters, Ned Needelander, Dusty Bottoms, and Lucky Day (who are all out-of-work silent-western-film movie stars) realize that they are not in Mexico to put on a live performance, but are actually in Mexico because they were hired to fight off the infamous El Guapo and his gang. This revelation comes with a bang, literally, when Lucky is shot in his left shoulder (surprisingly, the wound is completely healed by the next scene). Irate that a fellow actor would actually use real bullets in what the Amigos think is a performace, Lucky storms up to his assailant, El Guapo's right-hand-man Jefe, and demands to see his gun. Lucky then begins to threaten retribution on Jefe, until it dawns on him.... this is no performance. Slowly, he walks back to Ned and Dusty and breaks the news: "This is real. This... this is real." The three actors from Hollywood begin to cry. "They are going to kill us!" "What am I doing in Mexico?" "I've been shot already!"

This is kinda how I felt Sunday morning. I mean, I've believed that God is totally real since Jr. High, but the sheer reality of what I believe hit me Sunday morning. This is not all a ruse. This is not some tradition. There is a reason I see people all around me giving their all for the ministry. There is a reason I see changed lives. There is a reason I see a change in me from who I was only a few years ago. This is real. God is real. This whole Christianity thing... it's real.

Dwell on that. Rejoice in it.

A couple other things I wanted to blog on came from what I read in C.S. Lewis' The Great Divorce. Early on in the book, the narrator witnessed a conversation between a "ghost" of Hell and a "Spirit" of Heaven. The ghost is a blue collar working class man, apparently satisfied in his own accomplishments, thank you very much. The Spirit he is talking to is someone he knew in life, a person he felt he was far superior to. The spirit is imploring the ghost to accept salvation, but the supposedly self-sufficient ghost responds, "What do you keep on arguing for? I'm only telling you the sort of chap I am. I only want my rights. I'm not asking for anybody's bleeding charity." The Spirit comes right back and says to the ghost, "Then do. At once. Ask for the Bleeding Charity. Everything is here for the asking and nothing can be bought."

There is no really huge divine epiphany in that statement... if you have any knowledge of the Gospel, you know what the Spirit referred to when he said "Bleeding Charity." I just thought it was cool how Lewis used a play on words to accurately say what Christ's sacrifice is. Bleeding Charity. I really like that description.

Another thing that has stuck in my mind from reading The Great Divorce is a scene in which a ghost from Hell is limping his way through the foothills of Heaven with a little red lizard on his shoulder. The miserable Ghost is making his way back to Hell with the lizard whispering in his ear the whole way when he is stopped by an angelic being. The being makes an offer and the ghost is faced with a choice: the being can either let Ghost continue on his way to hell, following the lizard's promptings; or the Ghost can let the being kill the lizard, although great pain will come to the ghost with the death of the lizard. After much fretting and near backsliding and even swearing, the Ghost implores the being to kill the lizard. The being does so, and indeed, immense pain befalls the ghost. But both the corpse of the lizard and the pathetic Ghost are wondrously transformed. The dead lizard becomes a living beautiful white horse and the Ghost becomes a Spirit of heaven. Of course, we see in this example that this is Lewis' way of trying to convey what surrendering all to Christ looks like... but I think the example could also be used for Christians who seek the mortification of our sin. Oh, I confess, there are lizards on my shoulder, too. Anger. Hypocrisy. Laziness. I pray that God will help me kill them, no matter how much it hurts.

How about you? Any little red lizards on your shoulder?

God has yet again provided financially for another semester at TMC. Each semester has been the same... don't know where the money's going to come from, and then boom; one thing after another falls into place and I'm set. You'd think I'd learn to trust God by now, huh? Well, I'll be the first to confess that I'm an idiot. I looked up tuition prices for UCLA Law School (yes, newsflash to the world, I am re-thinking Law School.... that's another story for another time), and it's almost as much as Master's. I began to immediately get discouraged and slightly depressed. I went home and mentioned it to my mom and she immediately began to theologically slap me upside my head. She reminded me that God has taken care of me this far, and if He wants me at UCLA School of Law, then there's nothing that's going to stop Him. Oh, how easy I forget. God's mercies are new every morning, Great is His faithfulness!

Oh, good news. After over a month of being dormant (some of us were afraid that this was the end), Homestar Runner is back with a new cartoon. Let there be celebration in the streets! Oh joyous day!

Well, there's a lot more I could talk about right now, but I'm getting pretty tired. Good night.

The Cult of Saints

2006-07-01T23:28:00.000-07:00

So I went to the Getty today for the first time ever with my fearless leader, Randy Lundy. I know, I know, I've lived in SoCal my whole life and I've never been to the Getty before. I got the feeling that it would have been a whole lot nicer if it was less crowded and less hot. Anyway, there was this fascinating exhibit called "The Cult of Saints", in which medieval church art from the period spanning the fall of Rome to the Reformation (roughly 500 AD- 1500 AD). It contained all sorts of paintings, sculptures, tapestries, and other forms of artwork depicting the saints that people would pray to. Being a Church History major, I wanted to make sure that the people at the Getty got things right. Rest assured, their display passed my stringent test of accuracy. (I'm only kidding-- I know barely anything about Church History, that's why I'm studying it.)

Anyway, walking through "The Cult of Saints" kinda reminded me of the college I go to. So often at my school, you hear "oh, so-and-so's awesome, you should so hang out with them," or "that dude is so godly, you should talk to him sometime." Here's the thing, though. No one lives up to the praise that precedes them. No one. We all are sinful human beings, wretches mercifully saved and changed by the unmerited grace of God. There is nothing inherent in any of us that makes us stellar by nature. But you wouldn't know it listening to some of the conversations on campus. You'd think that certain people have a halo surgically attached to their craniums.

Am I saying that we shouldn't praise people who exemplify godliness in their lives? Absolutely not. Upon listing the Old Testament saints found in "The Hall of Faith" of Hebrews 11, the writer of Hebrews (for brevity and accuracy's sake, I'll just call him "Paul") refers to them as men "of whom the world was not worthy" (Heb. 11:38) and then in chapter 12 calls them "so great a cloud of witnesses" (vs. 1) as a sort of encouragement to press on.

But here's the thing... he doesn't then say, "let's look to how awesome these guys were for our encouragement." No! What Paul does tell us to do is to look "to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God" (vs.2).

The thing is this: in the past two years, I'd have to say that the ratio of comments I've heard about how awesome so-and-so or such-and-such is compared to the amount of comments I've hear about how awesome Christ is would probably be about 5:1. I'm not kidding. It's almost like we're so focused on praising each other that we shove the Savior aside.

So am I advocating never saying nice things about people who are pursuing godliness? No. Several of the New Testament writers do so at the end of their epistles (Col. 4:10-13; Eph. 6:21-22; 1 Peter 5:12; 3 John 12). In his book, Humility: True Greatness (which is excellent, by the way), CJ Mahaney states that identifying "evidences of grace" in others is an excellent way to increase one's humility. Recognizing the godliness shining in others is a good thing, but it becomes a bad thing done at the expense of focusing on Christ... and I am afraid this is done way to often.

You see, people will mess up. They're fallable. They won't live up to their reputation, no matter how "awesome" they've been trumped up to be. It's all part and parcel of the whole sinful-nature thing. But Christ never fails. Never once. He is "our great High Priest, who has passed through the heavens... who in every respect has been tempted as we are, but is without sin," (Heb. 4:14-15) and "is the same yesterday, today, and forever," (Heb. 13:8). He, above all, is worthy of our praise. The 24 elders in the book of Revelation got it right. The book tells us that they're saying over and over for all eternity, "Worthy are You, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for You created all things, and by Your will they existed and were created," (Rev. 4:11). I think if we understood this, I mean really understood this, we'd put less stock in the "awesomeness" of those around us and more wonder in the amazingness of Christ... and in doing so, we might just be less disappointed with each other and rejoice more in the Savior.

Saint Harvey Dent

2006-06-29T00:30:00.000-07:00

Christians can just tick me off sometimes. I mean literally tick me off. I worked at Old Navy for almost two and a half years. I had approximately 75 co-workers during that period of time. Out of those 75, one girl was a charismatic, but she almost always worked mornings and I worked evenings, so we rarely worked together; and one guy who I worked with for one month was a TMS seminarian. Other than that, I worked with pagans.

And when I let them know that I didn't enjoy sex jokes, or foul language, they almost 100% responded to the effect of "that's cool man; ok, I won't say that stuff around you."

But tonight, I tried calling a couple of christians I knew back in High School to act like what they professed, and they were shocked at me. Completely shocked that I would be so narrow-minded and judgemental.

We met at a Starbucks. Immediately the sex jokes and dirty stories start flying. I was taken aback, but just as quickly asked if we could keep our conversation from those particular subjects. "What's the matter, man?" "I'm just kidding around; relax, it's a beautiful summer evening... just have fun," were the replies I got.

Why is it that we profess to follow Christ, and yet we don't want to go the whole way and submit. How can we say that He is in us, and yet we don't act like it?

I asked my friend, "would you say some of this stuff in front of your mother?" "maybe," was the reply. I then asked, "would you say it in front of Jesus?" "No, probably not," was the next answer. I then said, "well, you just did."

Guys, if we're going to take the name of Christ, let's live like it. All day long. There's no check-out time for morality. We are known by our fruits.

P.S.-- Whoever honestly knows what the title of this Blog refers to (WITHOUT cheating by looking it up on Wikipedia or Google), I will take you out to coffee (unless you're Ben Blakey, 'cuz I already told you what the title's about).

Parent for the Evening....

2006-06-27T20:01:00.000-07:00

So my folks are away for the week on a cruise, celebrating their 24th anniversary. This means that my brother and I have free reign of the house. We agreed that he could have people over on Tuesday night (which happens to be right now), and that I could have people over on Wednesday. What I had in mind was maybe 3 or 4 guys over to watch a war movie and eat pizza or something like that. He apparently has something else in mind. There are currently about 15 of his classmates in our house right now, and the number is steadily increasing. When I saw how many high schoolers were infiltrating my domain, I thought it might be a good idea to vacate the premises to either Panera or my favorite Starbucks (which absolutely no Master's people know exists because it's on the other side of town), but when I saw how... "friendly" some of the girl-types were being with the boy-types (and when I say "friendly", I mean friendly like "oh you've got something on your lips.... let me use my lips to get it off..."), I decided to stay and be on hormone patrol. Right from the start there was this one girl who was sitting in her boy-of-choice's lap, sucking his face; and I walked right outside, pulled up a chair next to them and just started asking questions about what colleges they were thinking about for next year.

Gosh I sound like an old man... I just turned 20 two days ago.

But sensuality is nothing to fool around with (no pun intended). I know from experience. I never got into anything sexual when I was in high school, but boy do I regret the times when things got too sensual. It's dangerous. It's not God-honoring. And so I am stuck (by my own volition) in a house with what has to be by now 25 high-schoolers. But as I was apparently embarassing my brother (he shot me that look that says "you're embarassing the heck out of me"), I am taking a brief hiatus up in my room, blogging for a bit.

I've wanted to do a little review on a couple of gifts I got for my birthday. My folks know I am a C.S. Lewis nut, and so my mom bought me The Great Divorce. This book rocked my world. I just finished it this afternoon. It is a figurative story in which a narrator recounts the visitation of the inhabitants of Hell to Heaven. It is a collection of smaller stories that depict why and why not people are saved or damned. Most of all it is convicting-- right to the bone. There is much in there that I see in my life that I need to repent of, but the thing I took away most of all is this: I need to love God for God's sake. Not just because He made it so I don't have to go to Hell. Not just because He fills my life with Joy. Not just because He gives me mercy and grace and hope every day. I need to love Him first and foremost because He is God. I need to love Him because He is. There are some things in this book that raise a few theological red flags, but overall, I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to understand the biblical paradox of Free Will/Predestination, and what it means to "deny ourselves daily and take up our cross" more.

I'm also a Caedmon's Call fanatic, and so my dad got me the new Caedmon's Call worship album: In the Company of Angels 2: The World Will Sing. This is not their all-time best album, but then again, I don't think that any of their albums are really better than the others. Each one has it's own flavor-- but I can assure you, this album's flavor is amazing. The album lives up to the standard the first Company of Angels CD set: very worshipful, very praise centered. Unlike the other Caedmon's CD's, there are no political statements, no boy-girl love songs, no allegorical theological discourses set to music. Don't get me wrong, I pretty much love every Caedmon's Call song (except "Not the Land" and "Stupid Kid" from their self-titled album, and "Somewhere North" from 40 acres-- gosh I hate those songs.... nice going, Derek Webb), but this album is great in that it is simple, unadulterated praise. This is the most God-centered CD I've really listened to since I got Jars of Clay's Redemption Songs last summer (which is an incredible CD in and of itself). If you do not have this CD yet, please remedy that situation as soon as possible.

Well, that's pretty much it. I think I should be returning to Hormone Patrol. Adios.

ESV

2006-06-23T17:00:00.000-07:00

When the MacArthur Study Bible hit Grace Community back in the mid to late 90's, it was huge. I wound up getting a paperback copy I never used, a hardback copy that MacArthur himself signed ('cuz I used to volunteer regularly at Grace To You-- he showed up one day and they were giving out free hardbacks that same day so I asked him to sign it), and a leather copy my folks gave to me for 6th-grade Graduation that has my named engraved on it. The thing is, they're all NKJV, and while the NKJV has a special place in my heart because all the hundreds of AWANA verses I memorized were out of the NKJV, it still reads a little stuffy.

I went to a Christian School for 13 years that mandated each student have an NIV. To be honest, the school's theology was weak-sauce, so I pretty much grew up associating the NIV with crummy theology. To be honest, that's an unfair association, but in reality, I just don't like the NIV's near paraphrasing of most of the Bible.

When I got to Master's, I started hearing about this new translation called the ESV. Dr. Boyd actually made us memorize out of it for OT2 and I found out that most of the Bible Department really liked it, so I decided that I was gonna get a copy. At Shepherd's Conference of 2005, The Reformation Study Bible went for sale, and it was an ESV translation with study notes edited by RC Sproul. My dad picked me up a hardback copy. I liked the way it read so much that I got a tiny bonded-leather edition and had my name engraved on it as well.

Then a friend who is way smarter than me sat down with me one day and we looked at the study notes the Reformation Study Bible had to say on certain passages that pertained to Eschatology, specifically the future fate of Israel as predicted in some of the minor prophets. She pointed out that Sproul and the guys who wrote a lot of the study notes took a very non-literal (i.e., AMILLENIAL) approach to the passages regarding Israel (which they said were basically for "all believers" and "the church"-- even though it says "Israel"). Consequently, I set down my Reformation Study Bible.

Recently, the MacArthur Study Bible came out in NASB, which I have always enjoyed as a readable translation (more so than NKJV, but less "modnernized" than the NIV). So I bought a copy discount from Grace To You. I really do like it and have enjoyed studying it, but I've become more and more convinced that the ESV is a way better translation. In fact, I was just talking about this the other day with my good friend Ben Blakey. We just plain like the ESV the best. So I've been doing my devotions from my little leather ESV and if I have a question, instead of skimming down to the study notes, I'll check out some commentaries on the passage.

Ok, so basically everything I just said John Piper says better here. I hope you enjoy the article.

Cross-Centered Adjectives....

2006-06-20T10:59:00.000-07:00

Go on up to the mountain of mercy
To the crimson perpetual tide
Kneel down on the shore
Be thirsty no more
Go under and be purified

Follow Christ to the holy mountain
Sinner, sorry and wrecked by the fall
Cleanse your heart and your soul
In the fountain that flows
For you and for me and for all

At the wonderful tragic mysterious tree
On that beautiful scandalous night you and me
Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white
On that beautiful scandalous night

On the hillside you will be delivered
At the foot of the cross justified
And your spirit restored
By the river that pours
From our blessed Savior’s side

At the wonderful tragic mysterious tree
On that beautiful scandalous night you and me
Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white
On that beautiful scandalous night

Go on up to the mountain of mercy
To the crimson perpetual tide
Kneel down on the shore be thirsty no more
Go under and be purified

At the wonderful tragic mysterious tree
On that beautiful scandalous night you and me
Were atoned by his blood and forever washed white
On that beautiful scandalous night
Miraculous night

I really like this worship song. I mean really like it. I like it for a number of reasons, some trivial, some not. I like it because it's easy to play on the guitar, but it sounds like it's a tough song. I like it because of its use of dissonance, that sound that makes it sound like the chord is going to resolve but then it doesn't but then it does. I like it because the recording I have of it is sung by the amazing voice of Leigh Nash (lead singer of the late great Sixpence None the Richer, one of my favorite bands). But I think I like this song mostly because of it's adjectives and how they paint the picture of the Cross in a brand new yet strangely familiar light.

Mercy-- ok, in this sense, it is a noun, but calling Calvary "the mountain of mercy" points to the fact that God had pity, compassion, and love enough for us that he killed his own son

Crimson-- Blood, pain, sacrifice, substitution. Someone shed their blood so I don't have to shed mine.

Perpetual-- There are no bounds no Christ's propitiation for my sin. No end. No limit.

Thirsty-- the state of the seeker, of the lost. Before salvation, we are missing something, longing for something, whether we recognize it or not. In Christ we are satisfied.

Purified-- On our own, we can't make ourselves clean. Yet with the work of God in our lives, we can stand before him as white as snow. This is why Isaiah 1:18 is my new favorite verse. Look it up. If it doesn't make your heart sing, then I don't know what will.

Sorry-- in our state of death before salvation, we are pathetic.

Wrecked-- we are desperately broken before the Spirit enters our lives and makes us new.

Wonderful-- the act of God providing peace for sinners who by nature are "children of wrath" is a profound wonder.

Tragic-- That God had to die to save ungrateful sinners is definitely tragic.

Mysterious-- How the shedding of blood of a man who was God covers the sin and makes us righteous before a Divine Judge is an immense mystery .

Beautiful--Reconciliation to God through something we could never accomplish on our own is truly beautiful.

Scandalous--The biggest scandal of all time is the fact that God died for wretches like you and me.

Delivered--Like someone snatched from the clutches of death, in Christ's sacrifice we are rescued from eternal doom.

Justified--We stand guilty before the Judge, and yet He pounds His gavel and says "I know you deserve Hell, but there was One who paid the price. You are free. Enter Heaven."

Restored--In Adam's sin, we fell. Imputed guilt, we are tainted from birth. Yet in the Cross, the guiltless standing mankind had before the Fall is returned to the elect.

Blessed--Christ is blessed; He is God's beloved Son, and therefore Blessed by Him; and we should spend our lives blessing His name for what He has done for us.

Miraculous--The event of God's sacrifice was miraculous in that not only did He die for us, but He rose Himself from the dead. The miracle of the Resurrection is what gives us hope to hold on to.

You can see why I really like this song.

Vanity Fair

2006-06-17T00:46:00.000-07:00

I will venture to the Mall on a Friday night only for a close friend, and I mean only for a close friend. I hate the Mall on a Friday. Absolutely despise it. Mostly because it is literally overrun with hormone-filled, cussing teenagers who don't seem to know how to practice courtesy (I would venture a guess that most of them don't know how to spell courtesy).

But as a dear friend's birthday is coming up this Sunday and as I hadn't gotten her a present yet, off to the Mall I went. I had no idea what to get her; I basically planned to go by my instinct-- I figured the right present would just "jump out" at me. One thing was for sure- I did not want to a single minute in Bath & Body Works (which is actually military code for "biological warfare upon the Y chromosome").

Wouldn't you know it, after searching practically the whole mall, I wound up in stupid Bath & Body Works. Sheesh. Fortunately, I had my folks with me (I needed a ride to the mall 'cuz my car's in the shop and they wanted to go out and do something), so what ended up happening was that I let my mom spend the majority of the time in the store while my dad and I talked outside, but I did have to spend an excruciating 7 minutes (at least) inside that fruity-smelling hell-hole.

I noticed something about the mall-- it reminded me of Vanity Fair from Pilgrim's Progress. To be honest, I've long made that comparison in my mind, but this is the first time I think I've written it down. It seems like you can buy everything at the Mall except truth. You can get clothes that make you look slimmer, sunglasses that make you look cooler, and even get massages that make you feel less stressed. But eventually it all fades-- the clothes go out of style, the sunglasses break or get scratched, the massage feeling goes away. And so the consumer returns and exchanges their money for the fleeting pleasures of materialism. Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating a boycott of capitalism-- I'm advocating a boycott of idolatry. Heck, I wound up getting a pretty sweet shirt tonight-- I'll probably wear it to church on Sunday (it was marked down on clearance from $45.00 to $8.50!)-- but when you see people loaded down with bags and bags of junk they just bought, you're a little perplexed.

I spent an evening once witnessing to the kids who hang out at the mall and the surrounding area including Java N' Jazz and the Movie Theater-- they weren't really receptive. But maybe the Gospel should go back to the Mall. Maybe instead of the masses being driven to buy the temporal wares of the Mall, they might instead "buy gold refined in the fire, so that [they] may become rich..." (Rev. 3:18).

Christian and Faithful were imprisoned when they brought the good news to Vanity Fair. The worst that could happen to me would be that I would get kicked out of the mall. Kicked out of the mall-- oh no, whatever would I do? (I hope you're detecting the sarcasm, 'cuz I'm laying it on pretty thick).

It's late, so I'm going to bed now.

A quick observation for the evening...

2006-06-14T22:17:00.000-07:00

Have you ever asked somebody who just found an object that they had been searching for where they found it? Did they respond "it was in the last place I looked!"?

WELL DUH!!!!! Of course it was in the last place you looked because you obviously stopped looking once you found it!!!!

That is all.

Peace on Earth and mercy mild! God and sinner reconciled! Joyful all ye nations rise! Join the triumph of the skies!

2006-06-11T00:50:00.000-07:00

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the Glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

---Romans 5:1-5

Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.

---Romans 8:1-2

I can't really add much to this. It's hard to take in. Reconciliation. Peace. It's hard to take in.

"Stupid algebra... when are we ever gonna use this junk when we're grown up, anyway?" --pretty much every Jr. Higher ever (myself included)

2006-06-01T15:11:00.000-07:00

God had a little fun with me Tuesday afternoon. I'm wanting to double-major and spend a semester in Israel and graduate in four years, so this all means that I need to take a few community college classes over the summer to get some gen. ed. out of the way. So, over to good ol' COC I went, filled out my 2-page scantron application...
(random rambling sidenote: there were so many politically-correct descriptions of every type of race and ethnicity possible-- I wanted to put I was an african-american/latino whose upbringing was that of a pacific islander, but I could only check one box-- I just laughed and put plain old "white"-- apparently "black" is too politically incorrect, it must be "african american", but nobody bothers changing "white" to "european-american"-- I'll let you ponder the irony for a while-- and no, I am not a racist)
...and then I was told I needed to take a placement test to see "what classes I should be put in to best help me succeed" (which I figured out pretty quick was a disgustingly sugar-coated way of saying "we want to see first if you can even speak English and then after that see how dumb you really are"). So I proceeded to get lost, not once, but twice, trying to find the classroom in which the test was being administered. Once I found the place, I was told to wait outside. As I stood there for about 20 minutes, I was pretty bored. I was thinking things like "this test is gonna be cake... c'mon, this is COC... how hard could it possibly be?" Then they called my name and I went in, sat before computer screen and started my test.

Holy cow.

The English part wasn't so bad, and in fact, I did really well. But the math was a different story. I couldn't remember how to do 8th grade algebra. I couldn't remember how to factor trinomial equations. I couldn't remember the rules on multiplying exponents. I felt so stupid, I just started laughing. People were staring at me. I didn't care. I found it hysterical. The one thing I've only been good at my entire life has been school, and here I was, not knowing how to do Jr. High algebra.

But then it hit me. There are no coincidences. I was at COC, taking that test, and doing terribly, for a reason. I think God wanted to show me something. A number of things, actually. The first is obvious-- I still need to repent of my sinful pride that exemplifies itself in how cocky I can get regarding academics. The second thing that hit me was a little more subtle, though. I was reminded of the play "Flowers for Algernon", in which the main character, Charlie, is mentally handicapped, but has a procedure performed on him which dramatically raises his intelligence. Over time, though, the effects of the procedure wear off, and Charlie faces the inevitable reversal and the subsequent decreasing of his intelligence. I thought of 2 Corinthians 4:16, which reads "Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day." Here Paul talks about our physical outer man wasting away, and this is true. I see it in my parents: my dad has to stare at writing 4 inches away from his nose in order to read it. I see it in me, even: my baby pictures are pretty cute, but now when I stare in the mirror, I think "good grief, I'm ugly... if I'm ever gonna get married, it's gonna have to be to a blind chick." I think Paul would include the decreasing in mental facilities with the decaying of the outer man. The good thing is that we are always continuing in increasing in sanctification! That's what he means by the "inner man being renewed day by day." Another day walking with Jesus in simple faith and studying the word is another day that we grow. I see this in my grandmother. She's got all sorts of things wrong with her body, but as she gets older and weaker, her faith gets stronger.

So yeah, I don't remember how to do 8th grade math (actually, it bugged me so much that I went home, dug out my old math notes from Jr. High-- I never throw anything away-- and I re-taught myself how to factor trinomials!), but I do know that what is truly important, what should be chief and paramount in my life, is that I pursue that which renews my inner man every day-- the study of God's word. That's what we should all be after as Christians-- the study of God's word and the knowlege of Him. In Philippians 3, we find that every thing else we could possibly know or do or be all pale in comparison (literally, they are dung) compared to knowing Christ better. And that's where I want to be.

Da Vinci: Round 2

2006-05-31T00:24:00.000-07:00

I'm going to do this Da Vinci thing in installments for a number of reasons. 1.) I'm too tired right now to write more than just a little, and 2.) I'm not that interested in it anymore, now that I've moved on to reading Ryrie's book on Dispensationalism.

Anyway, like I said, I'm pretty exhausted, so I definitely do not trust my grammar, spelling, and syntax right about now. However, I will point out one of the greatest flaws of the book's argument-- something that shoots the premise to pieces, once you apply simple logic to the "facts" presented by the author.

The book states that:
1.) Jesus was not divine, His deity was a myth created by Constantine (don't even get me started on Brown's completely false portrayal of Emporer Constantine); Jesus was only human, but possibly one of the greatest teachers to walk the earth (same old lie that's been propogated since the Pharisees told the Romans to post a guard at the tomb)
2.) Mary Magdelene was not a former prostitute that Jesus redeemed; she was a woman of Jerusalem who had great influence and power and who was married to Jesus, with whom she gave birth to a daughter. Mary Magdelene is the Holy Grail of legend because she was the "chosen vessel" of Christ (to bear the seed) and therefore is the culmination of the age-old concept of "The Sacred Feminine" (the belief that nature advocates the near-deity status of the female gender; and that man can only acheive true knowledge of God by having sex with woman-- in the orgasm he sees God). Basically, Mary Magdelene, a normal woman, is special because she was chosen by Christ.

Here's where this argument breaks down: If we grant the (heretical and bogus) assumption that Jesus was only a man, how in the world does that make his "choosing" of Mary Magdelene to be His wife significant?!? If Mary Magdelene is only a woman, and yet she is to be worshipped as the Holy Grail (which is what the book advocates) because she is chosen by Christ, then there must be something more significant to the person of Christ other than the fact that he was a great teacher. You cannot have both facts-- they are incompatible. Either Christ was God, and His choosing of Mary made her special (and therefore praiseworthy) or Christ was a normal human and Mary was a normal human and therefore, neither one is to be worshipped. All througout the novel, Brown equivocates and ignores this contradiction, presenting as "fact" what he wants the reader to believe.

Fortunately, I've got the inside track on the truth. Yep, I know the answer. 1.) Jesus didn't get married, and he didn't father a child-- read the Bible. Not an ounce of truth to Brown's claims. 2.) Jesus is God-- read Colossians and Ephesians. 3.) Mary Magdelene was a grateful sinner who had been forgiven by her Savior. Their relationship was that of a sheep to a Shepherd. Not a wife to a husband.

That's pretty much all I've got to say for now.

The Truth Shall Set You Free....

2006-05-26T15:24:00.000-07:00

Nutri-Grain bars are neither.

Healing or Betrayal?

2006-05-25T23:54:00.000-07:00

I had a dog that died right before Christmas of my senior year of high school. He wasn't my dad's dog or my mom's dog or my brother's dog.... he was my dog. He'd sleep at the foot of my bed. He'd wait for me to come home from school. He was my dog, my friend. And then one night, while trying to jump up on something in the middle of the night, he broke a disc in his back and couldn't walk. Less than 12 hours later, the vet ruled that it would be best to put him to sleep. In the space of 24 hours, my living, breathing friend who'd wag his tail when I'd walk through the door went from a dog to a pile of ashes. It hurt. Terribly. I cried and missed him a ton.

But time went by and the pain decreased. I didn't miss him as much. Sure, I missed him, but I didn't ache when I thought of him. I got less and less sad. We got a new dog. I began to slowly forget about Frisco (that was my dog's name).

And then it hit me one day-- I didn't miss Frisco that much anymore.... and I felt awful about it. I felt disloyal. I felt guilty. I felt like the biggest jerk in the world.

So, is it right? Time causes us to forget the pain.... but when we forget the one who's gone themself, are we right? I don't know.

I miss my friends. I know they are (for the most part) all coming back in the fall, but I wish they were here. However, I don't ache to be with them like I did right when they left. I'm getting more and more used to the routine of Santa Clarita without my closest friends.... so am I disloyal? Am I a jerk? Should I feel guilty? I don't know. I don't think so....

But the thing that hits me the most is that so often I neglect thinking about Christ; often more than I don't think about my friends. And the difference is that He hasn't gone anywhere. He's never left me. And yet I'll forget.

I think that's where I'm most faithless. And that's where I feel most guilty.

Praise be to Christ that he is the One spoken of in Hebrews 13-- the One who is the same yesterday, today and forever. When I am faithless, He is more than abundantly faithful. Though friends move away and move on, He will always be there. That's His promise.

And by the way, I finished the Da Vinci Code Wednesday morning. I'll blog more about it later.

As if there wasn't enough commentary on the Da Vinci Code by Christian Fundamentalists already, here come the ramblings of a 20yr. old college student

2006-05-23T20:13:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am reading the Da Vinci Code. Don't label me a heretic or worse... a liberal. I'm about 2/3 of the way through with it, so if you've read it, don't ruin the end for me.

Here are my thoughts thus far:

It is incredibly intriguing. I have to force myself to put it down.

It is driven basically by once concept: plausibility. Not possibility or probability, but plausibility. This could happen.... but more than that, when you string the "facts" together the way the author does, you're of course a blinded fool not to agree that this is how history should be known.

Ugh.

Some of the books basic flaws are the oldest tricks in the book:

1.) immediately create a mutually exclusive dichotomy between what is "religious" and what is "true"
2.) cast those who defend religion in an antagonistic light and make those who are the liberal, intellectual, seekers of "truth" the protagonists
3.) reinforce your main points over and over in extremely subtle ways througout the narrative (in this case, any critical reader can see that Sophie's and Langdon's impeccable teamwork is merely Brown trying to convey the veracity of the Divine Feminine)
4.) THIS IS THE BIGGEST AND MOST DANGEROUS FLAW OF THE BOOK (as with every false teaching): Mix just enough true, historical, actual facts (and the book does have a lot of them) and tie them together just right in order to create an effect that establishes a brand new "truth" in and of itself. In other words, hit the mark, or just close enough to the mark, enough times, and you'll get whatever you want.

And people believe this.

It is my firm conviction that people should not read this book unless they have at least two of the following three things:

1.) a decent knowledge of the entire Bible
2.) a decent knowledge of Church History and European History
3.) half a brain

(odds are if you have the first two, you'll have the third)

I'll keep you posted on what more I find in this piece of...... literature. I'm still debating on how long the essay I'm going to write in response to the book is going to be.

P.S.-- if you're planning on reading the book, it's really really really good until Chapter 55. Then, if you're a Bible-Believing Christian (and you have a historical-grammatical-contexual-literal hermeneutic), it'll start to tick you off royally.

To My One Consistent Commenter (and Quite Possibly Only Reader)

2006-05-20T21:52:00.000-07:00

You know who you are.

Thank you.

I don't write this blog to impress anyone. My goal is to collect, refine, and convey my thoughts and subsequently bring God glory.

But it is nice to know that someone actually reads. And it's even nicer to know that the person who still reads has had every reason to quit a long time ago.

Thank you.

Saturday afternoon....

2006-05-20T17:10:00.000-07:00

It is getting hotter and hotter in Santa Clarita... most of you know I'm not a huge fan of heat....

I really want to be deep right now, to say something moving, to make a profound theological impact on the blogosphere that will resound throughout cyberspace, but I can't think of anything. Nothing deep. I suppose I could write about what I'm learning from the character study of Saul (the King, not Paul) I'm doing... except I'm still trying to put together the pieces. I had intended to study dispensationalism really in depth, but I started on this Saul thing and I just can't stop. He is fascinating. So many chances to get it right. He had tons of privileges. He was the first king of Israel, for crying out loud. And yet, without fail, he blows it, time after time. Even in death, he was a failure-- he committed suicide!

But I can't get much deeper than that right now. Summer's kinda zapping me. I pretty much went this past schoolyear non-stop and I'm still feeling pretty drained.

I'm so glad God is not like us. I think that if I was a racehorse, I'd probably be slated for the glue factory right about now. I honestly don't know how I'm gonna do two more years of undergrad, let alone grad school. But God doesn't give up on us. He doesn't turn us out to pasture. He takes the broken, the wrecked, the exhausted, the sinful, the wretched, the stressed, the confused, the helpless, and He does something with them. I think He's still got some use for me left.... how do I know? As of right now, I'm not dead. And as long as I'm living, there's something more I can do for God's glory. Now that's a cool thought. I don't think I'm gonna do any of the things I thought I'd be doing with my life as recently as a year ago..... but I know I'm still going to be used by God for God.

Ok, I've got to go watch a friend get married now. Now there's a deep thought-- I'm about to watch one of the people I graduated from High school with (only two years ago!) GET MARRIED. Holy cow.

A few discoveries from today...

2006-05-16T19:32:00.000-07:00

Tootsie Rolls taste exactly the same when you find them buried in the bottom of a box a year after you placed them there.... I truly believe that they could survive a nuclear holocaust.

A whole day can slip away if you're not careful to redeem every moment.

Carrot Cake and dark chocolate are like sin... they satisfy just for a little bit and then after it's done you feel like you have to make up for it...

You have to preach the gospel to yourself even when you're hanging out in your house all day.

I never ever ever ever want to go fully into retirement. Doing nothing all day sucks. I can't wait to go back to work.

I like Jack Johnson.... his music's pretty good.

"Monday found me on my knees again...."

2006-05-15T14:13:00.000-07:00

So yesterday afternoon, I checked my phone and I had three new voicemails. One from Robby, one from Hugh, one from Micah. Nothing really significant about the voicemails except they came from three of my best friends. I'm really gonna miss those guys this summer.

It hit me Saturday that the semester is over. The first wake up call came in the afternoon. It was around 3:30 pacific standard time, and I walked outside my house to the front yard, when what should I encounter but one of the neighbor girls (my age) washing her car in her bikini top and a pair of daisy dukes. I kid you not, my immediate, knee-jerk, first reaction was to think "good night, that's inappropriate! I'd better tell her RA!"

And then I realized that there are no RA's in the real world. I walked back inside the house and told Hugh, "we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto."

It hit me also Saturday evening that the semester is over. I was driving home from taking Hugh to LAX and I was thinking about going to church on Sunday and I almost began to start calling Mary, Micah, and Hannah to see who was driving to church..... and then it hit me that they've all gone home. No more carpools to Grace during which we'd sing and pray and talk about God and the sermons we'd just heard (those were seriously the highlight of my week). That was the toughest.

And so Spring '06 is over. I had really not expected much out of this semester. I had figured it would fly by, like last spring. In many ways, it did fly by, but looking back, it was my best semester to date. I made some incredible friendships and learned some really hard lessons. God was gracious and kind and loving thoughout it all.

And now it's summer. I was talking about this weird feeling with Hugh before he left... it's like you're a runner, and you just crossed the finish line, but you're runningmates are all gone.... you finish alone.

Oh well, I think I'm done talking about alone-ness for a while. You can only do that so much before you get bored with yourself.

I made a great discovery yesterday-- putting melted cheddar cheese and salsa on top of steak is AMAZING!!!!! Everyone should try it. It is sooooooooo good.

Calvin had this favorite latin saying of his that went "Post tenebras, Lux!" It means, "after darkness, Light!" He used it to refer to his salvation experience, but I think it applies to being done with finals as well.

Ok, well, I better get going. See you later!

"Alright guys, take a knee..."

2006-05-11T22:57:00.000-07:00

So as of today I'm officially halfway through my college career. Tonight marks my last night on curfew. I'm done with finals. By God's grace, I survived. I told someone tonight that I feel exactly like how I did during football right after we finish my least favorite part of practice-- laps. We would run about a mile to two miles just to warm up, and when you come back from doing laps, you're so tired but so excited because you know the hard stuff (running) is over and the fun stuff (tackling and hitting on the freshmen) is about to start. It's the same way right now-- finals are over and summer can begin.

I am soooooo excited about this summer. I've got a whole stack of books to read. I'm looking forward to planning WOW and taking some extra classes. I'm stoked about continuing to go to my Bible study.

I'm gonna miss my friends, though. A lot. I will be praying for them and eagerly awaiting their return.

Once I got into high school, I developed this pattern of looking back at the end of each schoolyear and evaluating "how I did." Often, I would conclude depressed because I would look back and just be discouraged at the countless ways I failed.

Now I try to look back and not so much focus on what I did or didn't do, but on what God has done.... and He's done a lot....

But right now I just realized that I've got to pack up my room, so I'll write more on what God has done later...

adios.

Quite Possibly the Best Blog/Xanga Posting I Have Ever Read...

2006-05-07T00:30:00.000-07:00

You absolutely have to read this. It is Gunner's most recent post. Read it.

http://www.xanga.com/gunner23

It's the post from Saturday, May 6th. Nothing I could say would even come close to this.

Lead of Love

2006-05-01T20:22:00.000-07:00

It feels like everything and nothing are going around and around in my head right now.

This past weekend was Executive Council Retreat. I was pleasantly surprised. For the most part, we bonded extremely well and were pretty productive and still had a lot of fun. It's a very random group, but I think we mesh a whole heck of a lot better than I was expecting. I really think it has something to do with the fact that none of us are super good friends with the others.... it kinda gives us all a blank slate, more or less. Pretty cool.

My sandals are starting to smell pretty bad. This is not a good sign. It took my last pair of sandals almost a whole year to start smelling like this.... and I've only been wearing this pair for a few months.

I just finished going through the books of Judges and Ruth. Judges pretty much rocked my world. I saw in the Israelites my own propensity to play the harlot after gods that don't satisfy. It was like seeing a mirror image of yourself. I would find myself just asking in frustration, "why don't they just get it and choose to love God?!?" and then I realized that I fail in this same way so often. I am thankful for a merciful and faithful God.

Sin has long-lasting consequences. I really don't know what to say about certain things. I think I'm enduring punishment for something I didn't do; but then again, I've gotten away with a lot.... so I guess it works out. I really don't know what to say. It's kinda frustrating, but I should've expected it. Some people don't change. Some people don't want to think others change.

God answers prayer. I've prayed to be humbled and He's done it. I've prayed for wisdom and He's given it (although I could use a lot more). I've prayed that He would do whatever it takes to bring me closer to Him and He's done it, is continuing to do it, and I trust will still do it. It makes me think of the Caedmon's Call song, "Lead of Love".

I've got a ton of homework to do, so I better get going. Hopefully I'll produce a more exhorting and uplifting post soon.

Adios.

A great way to wake us up on a Thursday afternoon...

2006-04-27T14:26:00.000-07:00

"Hey! Did I tell you guys I'm gay? That got your attention, huh?"

"It's so much fun, beating the hell out of someone."

--Prof Owen to a very distracted and bored Reformation Era Class

Fourth posting in like 48 hours....

2006-04-26T14:48:00.000-07:00

So people are saying that they are soooooo ready to go home. I don't know what that feels like. I went home last night and came back and now I'm probably gonna go home in about 20 minutes because my mom just called and said I forgot some stuff. However, I am ready for classes to be done. I am ready for Hawaiian shirts and blue jeans every day and working 40 hours a week with Pete Bargas and Rob Ikegami. That's gonna rock hard core. I am ready for 95+ degree heat and just resigning myself that I'm going to be covered with a thin layer of sweat for the next 4 or so months. Good ol' SCV, my home sweet home. I am ready for being one of the only Master's students in my Bible study for a while and I am ready for Crossroads to be about only 150-200 people every sunday (and still have TWO donut lines!!! woo-hoo!!!). I am ready for working at King Hall all day, and then coming home and working out for 2 hours and then doing some COC online classes... how sweet is that. I am ready for weekend roadtrips with Ben Blakey (by the way Ben, we're going to be taking weekend roadtrips) and possibly Tommy Myrick. I am ready for skimboarding at the beach and re-teaching myself how to surf. I am ready for the road trip to Palm Springs with Pete and the free hotel room and Ruth's Chris steakhouse (shudder with ecstasy). I am ready for lunch with Tat and Joe every now and then. I am ready for summer.

Today in chapel, Tat asked all the TMC summer missions trips to come forward to be commissioned. Then he asked all people who were going on a church-related missions trip to come forward. Then he asked all people who were going to work at a camp to come forward. Then he asked all people who were going home to unsaved family to come forward. Then he asked all people who were going to work in the secular workplace to come forward. I'm guessing he thought that included everyone.... but it didn't include me. I was kinda ashamed. My family's saved, I'm working at a Christian college all summer, due to a few reasons I am not working at a camp or going on a missions trip. But I knelt anyway, 'cuz I would have been distracting had I not. But as I sat there feeling ashamed that I wasn't bearing the gospel to any specific group of lost people, I remembered what I am doing. I'm planning WOW. And, yeah, my job is a sweet job, but WOW is huge. You have about 250-300 incoming students who have basically no friends, are scared and nervous and homesick and freaked out about college, and I'm helping plan the week of fun that welcomes them all and gets them adjusted. I remember being a freshman myself-- scared and freaked out and worried that no one will want to be my friend-- and I made one of my closest friends in my WOW group. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm going to continue to be taking advantage of situations in which I can share the Gospel outside the bubble, but I think WOW is more of a ministry that I originally gave it credit for. I'm not trying to justify myself in anyone's eyes here, but just thinking out loud. Well, I better get going.

Adios!

The Christian & Politics

2006-04-26T00:44:00.000-07:00

So, I think I'm entering a new stage in my thinking. I really don't think it matters if Christians are in politics that much. I'm not saying it's wrong. But the days are getting more wicked, the opposition is mounting. I'm not sure the political arena is where we are most influential. Granted, you can have a modern-day William Wilberforce, and I pray that God would raise up such men. But even Wilberforce could miss the point. The story is told of a time when, after the English Slave trade had been abolished, he was speaking to a church about all he had been a part of in freeing the british slaves... an old woman came up to him after the service and asked him a very poignant question:

"Yes, yes, Mr. Wilberforce, but what about the soul?"

So true. We can get rid of abortion (and I think we should-- God hates murder), but what good is it if these babies grow up and we forget to give them the gospel and they die and go to hell? What have we done? If we are to go into politics, the Gospel must be our vanguard. Otherwise, we're just moral people telling the immoral people what to do.

I believe that Christians should be involved in politics, but in the same way that I believe we should have Christian plumbers, and doctors, and firefighters, and garbagemen.... politics is another job like any other. The mayor puts in a full day, goes home to his family, and gets a paycheck just like the guy who cleans my bathroom. We will never save a soul with a new law. But there is nothing inherently wrong with being a politician. Granted, the job of a politician has more temptations to compromise and cut corners than other jobs, but a man who is of integrity can rely upon the Lord to provide the way of escape (1 Cor. 10:13) when those temptations arise.

So, is poltics for me? Most likely not. Is law for me? Possibly. No idea. What do I really want to do?

I want to see the lost come to know Christ. I want to see Christians GET MORE SERIOUS about God. I want to see a generation rise up that is passionate about the Gospel. I want to encourage my fellow brothers in Christ to be Men of God. I think I might want to go into the ministry. I have no idea.

Spilling my guts all over the blogosphere....

2006-04-22T00:58:00.000-07:00

If I do not pour out my heart right now, I will forget many of the things that I'm thinking about right now. And as the things I am thinking about are all things that point back to the goodness of God, they are things that I really don't want to forget. I hope you don't view this as an all-about-Steve post; that's not the goal. It's just that I need to scream of God's infinite love as demonstrated to a faithless sinner like me, and I have seen that most manifestated in my life over the past few weeks. So, without further ado, here goes.

On tuesday night, at approximately 6:25 in the evening, after I had just finished dinner with my best friend Hugh Jackson and right before I was going to grab some coffee for my night class, ASB President-elect Randy Lundy told me that I had been selected to be his Vice President for the upcoming schoolyear. I was like ummmmm...... OK! I had not expected this at all. But looking back, I can see God's incredibly wise timing. Getting rejected for RA completely humbled me. It humbled me more than I really think I have words to describe. I remember the night I found out I didn't get it; I was completely crushed. I had set my hopes and built up such pride in the fact that I knew I was going to be an RA-- I knew it. And then I didn't get it. To make it worse, almost all my friends did. Now that was the really tough part. I remember sitting at lunch on sunday with three of the best friends I could ever ask for, and they had all been selected to be RAs for next year (shows that I hang out with some pretty cool people, huh?) and one of them, in a burst of excitement, totally exclaimed, "guys, we're going to be RAs next year! Isn't this exciting!" I just wanted to get up from the table, crawl into a corner and bash my head in. I had no idea what God was doing. I didn't see why I didn't get it or what His plan was. This pretty much continued for almost two weeks. I was completely confused about what I should do for SLS (I was offered another position that sounded like a lot of work but absolutely no compensation), a job (it looked like I would have to work 15 hours a week), Washington D.C. (except that I really had no strong desire to go save for the fact that my best friend was going), and course load (because if I went to D.C. next spring I'd have to take 18 units this coming fall on top of working at least 15 hours a week). The things didn't seem to add up, nothing was making sense. I didn't know how I was going to be able to do all of it on top of my involvement in the church and maintaining my relationships with friends and family. Something was going to have to give, and I was afraid it would be SLS. But as I worried about next year, I finally came to the point when I said, "God, You are sovereign. Not only are You sovereign, but You are good, and You love me. You know what next year will look like, even though I have absolutely no idea what to do. I trust You fully, and I will still trust You, even if You decide to keep things as crazy as they are right now."

And then Vice President happened. In one action, my worries about SLS, job, money, and D.C. all were resolved. I know what to do. I am honored... but I am also humbled. Being rejected for RA and being painfully reminded of that fact by the fact that my friends all got it definitely made me see how really little I bring to the table that is the body of Christ. To be completely honest, I'm nothing. My good friend Micah Lugg reminded me of a quote that my Jr. High pastor Sean Higgins (who's now a pastor up at Micah's church in Washington) used to always say to us; "you think you're hot snot on a gold platter when you're really a cold booger on a paper plate." And despite the grossness of this fact, this is totally true. I got nothing. I am the weak, the foolish, the lowly. My weaknesses only serve to point to Christ's strengths. I honestly think that if I had gotten RA, it would have gone straight to my head. I'll be completely candid; I'm waging a fierce battle in my mind to not let VP go to my head. I am constantly reminding myself that I am nothing without Christ. If I'm going to be a VP that glorifies God, I need to keep this in mind-- that I am weak, but He is strong. Praise be to God, who in His loving mercy bestows on us everything we need and more than we deserve.

I really dislike this time of year. The weather is beautiful and the days are longer, but people just seem more shallow in the spring. They really do. It was like this last year. People's brains are fried, they're just ready to go home. They all know that things are going to change in the fall, and due to all our natural aversion and fear of change, people begin to prematurely shut down and turn off emotions. I think it falls under a general sense of exhaustion and self-preservation. But that's why I love my friends-- they don't succumb to this prevailing sense of superficiality. I hang out with some of the godliest, most Christ-centered people I know. God has amazingly blessed me. Sometimes (actually almost all of the time) I seriously wonder why they hang out with me. They really should have ditched me a long time ago. Yet they don't... they are amazing. I love my friends so much because they point me to Christ and make me want to love Him more.

There's a lot more stuff running around my head right now; things about witnessing, and Church History, and Limited Atonement, and dating, and double-predestination, and double-doubles from In-N-Out, and trying to keep old friendships alive, and what this summer is going to look like, and eschatology, and moving back to C-dub, and my little brother, and a number of other things; but I need to get to bed.

SOLI DEO GLORIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Hast thou not seen how all thy longings have been granted in what He ordaineth?"

2006-04-19T00:51:00.000-07:00

You can almost hear the incredulity in the hymnwriter's question. It's almost like asking someone, "what, are you stupid? Do you not remember all the times God has totally taken care of you?"

I have no time to blog right now.... something about a 20 page paper due in 36 hours and I have 3 pages done.... but it's all been worked out. Every fear resolved for the most part. God totally took care of it all, and I was too stupid to trust Him fully.

He is amazing and I am stupid. But blessed. To Him be all glory and honor and praise.

More later.

The Purpose-Driven Latte...

2006-04-15T22:45:00.000-07:00

So I went out to coffee with my good friend Ben Blakey tonight at the Starbucks on Bouquet with the expressed intent of getting homework done... I believe that in the hour we were there, I might have done about 5 minutes worth of homework. Anyway, I've become accustomed to evaluating the little bits of worldly philosophy typed onto the side of my paper coffee cup and matching it up to what I know the Bible says, and then usually smugly smirking at how "wise as a serpent yet harmless as a dove" I am being (amazing at how I can take sinful, self-exalting pride in doing something as mundane as critiquing a quotation). Well, back to my story. Imagine how surprised I was to read on the side of my Venti Caramel Macchiato (which, sad to say, was probably one of the worst Caramel Macchiatos I've ever had) something I actually began to find myself agreeing with!! In shock, I quickly skipped the rest of the quote and moved the little, oft-annoying sleeve thing to see who the author was, only to discover, lo and behold, the infamous name of Rick Warren, purported seeker-friendly preacher and pastor of San Dimas mega-church, Saddleback Church. I'll reprint the entire quote here:

You are not an accident. Your parents may not have planned you, but God did. He wanted you alive and created you for a purpose. Focusing on yourself will never reveal your purpose. You were made by God and for God, and until you understand that, life will never make sense. Only in God do we discover our origin, our identity, our meaning, our purpose, our significance, and our destiny.

Ok, this question is for you if you are a TMC student (like myself) or a G-Comm attendee/member (also like myself): Is there anything wrong with this quote? Anything that flies in the face of Scripture? Anything you wouldn't hear a TMC prof say? I think I've actually heard Behle and Owen and Jensen each say something like this (or to the same effect) in one or more of their occasional didactic digressions. But the difference between Behle/Owen/Jensen and Warren is that I strongly believe that the first group of men are men of God, completely sold out for His glory.... and much of what I've heard of Warren is that he is man-centered and more interested in seeing the size of his congregation grow rather than the spiritual maturity of his congregation grow. I've never met Warren myself and I've only skimmed his work, but many godly men whom I trust claim that he's a bit sketch (to use a Master's term).

So what do we do with the coffee cup (please grant me the fact that we need to do anything at all)? Basically, what I'm asking, do we agree with correct teaching that comes out of the mouths of wayward brothers (don't get all over my case that I just called Warren a wayward brother-- let's face it, he's not always preaching the truth)? Paul seems to shed some light on this issue in Philippians 1:12-18a:

I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel, so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard and to all the rest that my imprisonment is for Christ. And most of the brothers, having become confident in the Lord by my imprisonment, are much more bold to speak the word without fear. Some indeed preach Christ from envy and rivalry, but others from good will. The latter do it out of love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The former proclaim Christ out of rivalry, not sincerely but thinking to afflict me in my imprisonment. What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice.

Hmmmm..... in this case, Warren's quote is biblically accurate. Maybe I shouldn't flip out over the fact that it made the side of a Starbuck's coffee cup. Of course, I'd be more stoked if a quote from, let's say, Edwards, Mahaney, or MacArthur made the cut; but if it's the truth, then it's the truth. And possibly, just maybe, next time, if I get another of the same cup, I might be able to use it to witness to someone... that is, if I'm not too hung up on the fact that Rick Warren is on my Caramel Macchiato.

Astounded at my total lack of anything good

2006-04-15T00:49:00.000-07:00

I am increasingly amazed at my incredible propensity to waste time. Unbelievable.

At least I didn't say anything too stupid at breakfast this morning. That was a big fear on my part... that I would just open my mouth and completely remove all doubt of what an idiot I am.

I am so tired, but this hymn just popped into my head:

To God be the glory,
great things He hath done;
so loved He the world
that He gave us His Son,
Who yielded His life
an antonement for sin,
and opened the life-gate
that all may come in!

Praise the Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

When I'm a lazy idiot, He still is faithful. As Doug Bookman would say, Amen and amen.

I think I'm covered in fish vomit...

2006-04-12T17:02:00.000-07:00

Wow.

That's pretty much all I can say. Wow. This is not how it's supposed to be.

I guess I pretty much figured that they'd give me an RA spot. Why wouldn't they? I'm a personable guy, I've proved myself responsible, I love God, I'm striving to be a servant, I'm trying to reflect Christ in every aspect of my life.

I guess I take comfort in that they think I'm qualified. If they had told me that I was rejected because I was unfit to be an RA, that would really bug me. If only I hadn't been so indecisive.

But this is what God wants. Maybe I am supposed to go to DC. I don't really want to, though. But God has asked people to do stuff that they didn't want to do, before.... I don't know.

So I'm left with total uncertainty regarding next year. I have an upcoming school year that is basically one giant question mark.

I can't dwell on the "what-ifs". There's a lot of "what-ifs" I could totally kick myself over... but that's not God-honoring. In Philippians 3:13-14, Paul writes "brothers, I do not consider that I have made it (Pauls' goal) my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize that of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

When I took him out to lunch, Rick Holland gave me this piece of advice: when you're dealing with a hard trial, step back and ask yourself these three questions: "What do I think? What do I feel? What do I know?" Here we go:

What do I think?
I think that I'm an idiot for not making up my mind sooner. I think that I'm pretty much wasting my time and not glorifying God when I dwell on what I could've done differently. I think that next year is going to be pretty hard.

What do I feel?
Embarassed. Sad. Discouraged. Confused. Worried. Restless. Drained. Humble. Empty. Hope. Love. Trust. Peace, to some extent.

What do I know?
My God is at the same time completely good and completely sovereign. I have no idea how He's going to use me or what I'm going to do next year, but He is in complete control over it. I know that in order for the iron to be tough, it needs to pass through the fire first. I know that Jonah didn't want to go to Ninevah, but it was God's will for Him. Moses didn't think he could do what God asked him to do, but it was God's will for him. I know that if God wants me to be an RA, then I will be one; but if He doesn't want me to be one (and it really looks like He doesn't), then I won't be one-- there's nothing I can do to change any of this. I know that God is not glorified by complaining or being discouraged, but He is glorified when we look at our present circumstances and do our best to pursue Him with what we have been given. I know that it is my desire to glorify God. Therefore, I know what I've got to do-- I need to be like Christ in Philippians 2 and totally empty myself and serve others, no matter if I've got a position I want or not.

So I'm guessing I pretty much feel like Jonah did once the fish spit him up. He sat there on the shore, covered in fish vomit, pretty much feeling like he had been through the mill, with only one course of action to follow: he had to go on. Sounds like what I've got to do-- I've got to press on. Makes no sense to just sit here and wish things were different-- they're not. I can't change them, either. I've just got to press on. I hope God will make it clear over the summer what I should do. Even if He doesn't, I will still serve Him. I love Him.

Third Time's the Charm

2006-04-05T23:26:00.000-07:00

So here is my new blog.

The focus is God.

That's pretty much all I got right now.

More later.